I know this is off. For those of your who are my friends you may have seen my journal post. For those of you who aren't I am dealing with some things coming to a head.

My rapist is getting out of jail while his assistant (an autistic guy with the know how of a 7 year old) has been out all along. I have stopped getting the creepers letters that while upsetting were comforting when I noted the postage stamp was always a state away.

I am falling apart at the seems. My migraines are back. I'm losing weight again which is a big no no. My heart has been acting up so my defib goes off about once every two days. I freaked today when the guys at work played a prank with a knife and they almost ended up calling an EMT. I set it off twice and passed out. Randy knows I would have been pissed about the hospital so he kept a cool head. The guys all felt horrible. It was a joke. I get that. But the first thing I thought when I saw one of my guys with a bullet wound in his head after a gun goes off was that someone had jumped parole and was in Georgia and after me. Then Marko grabbed me and I freaked. It was to much for my heart and I went down for the count right after.

I need help. I don't know what to do. How do you deal with finding help if your scared something is going to happen. It doesn't feel like paranoia anymore. It feels like rational fear.