so my anniervary is next thursday and i am in a complete and total PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i take the train to my therapist appointments on wednesdays and on monday nights to group therapy........i was waiting fo the train last night and it seemed like all these men came crowding around me......like i was so sort of magnet attracting all these males.......women were nowhere to be seen or far away.........then on the train the same thing happened........i would jump at the slightest movement of any man and freaked out when they moved closer to me......walking to to the train station after group i saw a man in a car eyeing me and i thought,"he's to pull me in his car, drive me someplace and rape me...." i kept on thinking that over and over and over and over and over......and then i always thought that another guy was gonna rape me by forcing me in a building or something.........i've been having nightmares where i get raped by random people at the places where i feel safe and then sometimes i see the people out in real life, like at school......i'm really scared and i know that these things are normal, but how do i make them stop?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i've tried going to my "safe place", rationalizing, keeping myself safe, self soothing, distracting...nothing seems to work........i've been losing sleep because i'm in such a panic....AND i worry that somehow my rapist will come and give me that "beating" that he swore he would give me if i told......i know he won't and can't, but i feel like he might........i need some help!!!!!!
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