Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
*Possible Trigger warning? Violence mentioned*
I don't post here a lot, but I'm really struggling at the moment and one of the things I'm finding really hard is that every night when I eventually manage to get to sleep (which takes hours anyway) I've been having nightmares. Very vivid, very odd but very real feeling. But as different as they are, in every dream I get attacked, often twice in one night. Not always the same person, not always the same way, last night it wasn't even a person - it was some kind of creatures which is new.
In one of my dreams I had a panic attack after a woman I know in real life held a kitchen knife to my throat and screamed in my face. It felt extremely real and in the morning I had all the feelings I have after a panic attack and it was awful, like I'd actually had one. Perhaps I did? My mum had to help me out of bed and it took a long time...
I know my family are losing patience with me because no matter when I go to bed it takes hours to get to sleep and then I feel like I'm up all night fighting and running and freaking out and I'm expected to be up early and bright eyed in the morning. It could be a side-effect of the Fluoxetine I've been taking, I've been on it for about a month and this has started happening recently when I came on holiday, I thought I'd feel better here but I think having to hide my various mental & physical health conditions for the sake of my family is taking its toll and trying to ignore it in the day is forcing it into my sleep?
Does anyone have any advice for sleeping soundly or how to explain to my family what I'm going through in a way they'll understand? They know about my rape and abuse history, and about my mental and physical health problems, but my Dad seems to be in complete denial and keeps looking for other reasons for me to be feeling like this and getting frustrated when I say that's not it. Mum's always tried her best but like I said, I can tell she's losing her patience. My Aunt and Uncle we're staying with don't know, but they can tell something is up. Problem is they keep making jokes about how lazy I am being in bed all morning and I just want to cry, but I just have to take it and try laugh it off.
Tonight I've not been able to sleep, my heart just keeps pounding and I get all worked up. I'm probably just too scared I'll be attacked again. I know there's probably a lot more people in more need than me, and you might not have any suggestions for this, but please let me know if you have time or have any experience with this stuff because I'm losing my mind as it is without sleep deprivation as well...
Love you all on DS very much, and if there is ever anything I can do for any of you, don't hesitate to message me. I'm much better at helping others than helping myself. :) xxx
I don't post here a lot, but I'm really struggling at the moment and one of the things I'm finding really hard is that every night when I eventually manage to get to sleep (which takes hours anyway) I've been having nightmares. Very vivid, very odd but very real feeling. But as different as they are, in every dream I get attacked, often twice in one night. Not always the same person, not always the same way, last night it wasn't even a person - it was some kind of creatures which is new.
In one of my dreams I had a panic attack after a woman I know in real life held a kitchen knife to my throat and screamed in my face. It felt extremely real and in the morning I had all the feelings I have after a panic attack and it was awful, like I'd actually had one. Perhaps I did? My mum had to help me out of bed and it took a long time...
I know my family are losing patience with me because no matter when I go to bed it takes hours to get to sleep and then I feel like I'm up all night fighting and running and freaking out and I'm expected to be up early and bright eyed in the morning. It could be a side-effect of the Fluoxetine I've been taking, I've been on it for about a month and this has started happening recently when I came on holiday, I thought I'd feel better here but I think having to hide my various mental & physical health conditions for the sake of my family is taking its toll and trying to ignore it in the day is forcing it into my sleep?
Does anyone have any advice for sleeping soundly or how to explain to my family what I'm going through in a way they'll understand? They know about my rape and abuse history, and about my mental and physical health problems, but my Dad seems to be in complete denial and keeps looking for other reasons for me to be feeling like this and getting frustrated when I say that's not it. Mum's always tried her best but like I said, I can tell she's losing her patience. My Aunt and Uncle we're staying with don't know, but they can tell something is up. Problem is they keep making jokes about how lazy I am being in bed all morning and I just want to cry, but I just have to take it and try laugh it off.
Tonight I've not been able to sleep, my heart just keeps pounding and I get all worked up. I'm probably just too scared I'll be attacked again. I know there's probably a lot more people in more need than me, and you might not have any suggestions for this, but please let me know if you have time or have any experience with this stuff because I'm losing my mind as it is without sleep deprivation as well...
Love you all on DS very much, and if there is ever anything I can do for any of you, don't hesitate to message me. I'm much better at helping others than helping myself. :) xxx
To answer your questions: Yes, I've told my family quite a lot, mostly my mum, and often in quite some detail when I've had too, but I don't think they really get it. I am currently seeing a therapist for my issues but I don't see her for 3 weeks now whilst she's on holiday which I'm struggling with. My Fluoxetine is prescribed by a doctor, and after I've finished what I have I'm going to go see him to discuss whether or not they are working and if I need something else or a different dosage.
My daughter who is now 12 was gang raped at age 3 while in the foster care system (I adopted her at age 5). She disclosed the rapes after a suicide attempt a few months ago and is in therapy focused on trauma. She has a lot of issues going to sleep and severe nightmares most nights as well as flashbacks. I have been sleeping with her every night. When she wakes in the morning we talk about her dreams of the night before. Her therapist has stated that it is common for her to have a lot of difficulty going to sleep (helped by me sleeping next to her) and really bad, weird dreams because she is just now starting to talk about what happened to her. I give her a melatonin tablet at night. We do a lot of exercise (walking and badminton) every night. I make sure she eats a lot of fruits and veggies each day. She is going to sleep quicker now. She still has the nightmares but talking about them with me seems to allow her to let them go and not worry about them. I have asked her to wake me to discuss a nightmare if she wakes afraid in the night.
I am sorry to hear that you were raped. Please know that you are a survivor, your feelings and fears are normal for what you have experienced, you are valuable and worthy of the special care that you need in order to move through the healing process. Please try to find a family member or close friend that can be there for you.
My daughter is also very afraid that he offenders will come after her and hurt her or her family. I understand this is a completely normal for rape survivors. She still feels this way so I do not have any advice to help with this yet.
Finally, you asked about how to explain to family. For my daughter this is the hardest part. As her mother, I want to provide any comfort I can for her and want her to tell me whatever she wants to when she wants to. We have come up with some code phases - such as when she just feels very angry, she tells me 'Mom - I am angry and need to be alone for a little while'; when she feels fear, she tells me 'Mom - I am afraid' and I ask if she wants to me hold her or just listen. She seems not to want to acknowledge how her rapes are impacting her and does not want to impact anyone she loves - so I tell her all the time (both verbally and sometimes in cute cards and notes) that she is worthy of my attention, my love, my compassion and most of all that I will walk through this with her in any way that she wants me to and as she is ready to do so.
I sincerely hope that you can find someone to share with and someone that can be there for you and comfort you - you are worthy and deserve love and comfort in this very difficult time.
Also, I wanted you to know that my husband is also having a hard time with what happened to his little princess. I think it is very hard for all dads to accept this because they want to always protect their children. I would recommend that your dad attend some therapy.