Hello, so I was just 17 when this happened.  I was on my way to the bus stop. I had to leave early since I had to take more than one bus.  So it was always dark.  Hardly any body was out at that time.  Mostly I would come across dogs.  I was more afraid of getting bit.  My mom always told me to smile at people I meet.  Guess who I smiled at?  He passed me going the opposite way.  The next thing I knew,  I was forcibly grabbed and he told me not to scream and that he had a knife at my back.  This is taking a long time to write, it's hard.  I kept thinking, this isn't happening.  Stuff like this is something you see in a bad movie.  But it was like I froze.  I couldn't scream if I wanted to.  This was so long ago so why do I remember it like it was yesterday.  I hate this!!!  It's not fair.  I just walked and did what I was told.  I can't say all the things that happened only to say that I hurt so badly.  He threw my coat over my head and told me to count to 100.  If he caught me looking he would shoot me.  Be that it may be, I got up as soon as I could. Because the place was a gas station, the two guys that worked there had started opening up. I knew I was a mess but I started screaming and crying. One of the attendants asked what was wrong.  I just shook my head and screamed that I wanted to go home.  

When I got home, my mom said that she didn't believe me.  We had gotten into a huge fight the night before so that didn't help any.  But she always said that whatever I did wrong would reflect on their reputation.  My mom never wanted me.  When I got to Emergency, there was a really nice nurse who took care of me.  But her shift was ending.  She told me that I would be ok and that I had to talk to a police officer. I didn't want to talk to anyone.  I couldn't look him in the eyes.  Saying all the hateful things that happened.  Mostly I just wanted to grab his gun and end my life.  My dad had to take me back to the hospital since I didn't understand the forms.  And then  people started staring at me.  And they wouldn't stop.  I wanted to start screaming at them.  Quit looking at me!!  

Days turned into weeks and into months.  I couldn't remember what building was on that corner.  And I would scrub myself raw.  I just couldn't get clean.  I was a horrible dirty person.

I wished I was able to get help back then.  Years later the gas station was replaced by something else.  But my mind erased what had been there but not what happened.

I still can't say the "r" word.  And it's still so hard to remember.  Even now when I'm 62.