Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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Traumas & Injuries
/ Rape Support Group

New - need somewhere to talk about what happened

private_cacophony
private_cacophony

Hey guys, I just joined yesterday after I found a link to Daily Strength on the "twloha" support groups page...


I desperately need somewhere to talk about what happened to me and how I feel - without the anxiety of people I know finding out, and without fear of being seen as an attention seeker or like I'm bringing everyone down. My close friends know it happened, but my family doesn't and I don't know if I will ever tell them. (Side note, I can't use the R word still because it's kind of a trigger for me.. just reading it has taken a year of difficulty to adjust to, but I'm still not ready to say it yet.)


It happened a year and a half ago now, and sometimes I really think I'm "over it" just because I haven't thought about it for a while (distraction has always been my jam), or that maybe mine "wasn't as bad" as I originally made it out to be...


But then I fall back into the headspace I'm in now, where every spare chance I get I can't stop thinking about it, often blaming myself or doubting whether I even have any right to call it by the R name.


I don't always remember my nightmares, so I don't know if its related or if it's not, but I haven't had a good night's sleep in so long I don't know what one would look like if it punched me in the face! I'm exhausted in every sense of the word, and I'm in lockdown with my parents who don't know about my trauma... so I'm stuck having to pretend nothing is wrong till I can get back to my flat away at university!


I'll possibly try and explain my experience another time when I'm in a better place to handle the emotional trauma :')


But for now, I just have a question for anyone else who feels that their assaults didn't fall under the "obvious/clear R" category (for lack of better wording):


How do you feel with intrusive thoughts of guilt and self-blame... thoughts that have you questioning if you have any right to feel traumatised by your experience?


How can I learn to accept that what happened to me was *still an assault*, *still illegal* and *still against my will*, even if I maybe didn't fight back or wasn't firm enough in my asking to stop?

EMC2
EMC2
1st of all, no means no. It doesn't matter how quietly you say it or how loudly you say it when you say no, that means no and, the other person is supposed to stop immediately!!!!!! Do not feel bad for not being able to say the "R" word. My last experience happened in 2007 and I still cannot bring myself to say the R word at all. I still feel ashamed/ guilty, even now.... I'm just going to be honest, its going to take time to cope with what happened. Please do not punish yourself, this wasn't your fault! Even I am still learning that for myself and I know exactly how you feel. My family doesn't know everything that happened either so, I know where you're coming from. If you ever have the need to talk about it, I'm willing to listen because I know where you're coming from. I will never tell anybody anything without your permission, you are free to talk here it is very confidential and I mean that 100% I know how important it is to be able to trust anyone!
You are safe here if you need to talk!!! I promise!!! You're not alone, and I pray for your peace and comfort.
Please be safe, stay healthy!!!
-Elisa
mn1993
mn1993
It took me six years to say out loud that I had been "R word"ed. I totally understand what you mean by feeling triggered by this word.

My experience was not the usual rape, as I knew those who assaulted me and trusted them, so I almost felt guilty for saying that they had raped me. I still struggle with blaming them for what happened, and have issues with admitting that I was not to blame. Eight years on and I still struggle with this.

As far as how I have dealt with the intrusive thoughts of self-hate or guilt, I have found this the hardest part. I still cannot bring myself to think of these people and that night often, as I am triggered and begin to feel a range of emotions from anger, to sadness for how I was treated by friends who I had reached out to at the time. However, I feel that you being able to speak about it like you have already is a beneficial step. Having a conversation with someone who you trust and who will listen and not judge really helped me.

I often feel like I can't call myself a rape victim, because of the circumstances of what happened to me. But that is bullshit, if ANYONE has touched you without your consent, then that is assault.
We need to stop feeling as though we aren't worthy of being a victim, just because our experiences may not have been as extreme or violent as others. The ripple effect of the trauma that these experiences cause us will continue to effect the rest of our lives.
Please do not put pressure on yourself to deal with what has happened to you. Everyone deals with things differently and at their own pace. The fact that you are on here is a great step. Its taken me eight years to even google 'rape support group', as I couldn't admit that I was worthy of being in a support group with people who have gone through something so horrible.
But i am worthy, and so are you.
Please know that you are not alone!
zoeykatelyn
zoeykatelyn
I often feel like what happened to me was entirely my fault. I agreed to go where he asked me, I even drove us there. I often think to myself "well if I wasn't stupid enough to drive there then it wouldn't have happened". Even after we arrived to the place he wanted to go, I said it didn't feel right and wanted to leave. He persuaded me to stay. I feel stupid, guilty, and gullible for letting him convince me to go against my gut feeling. Even while it was happening, even through my crying and saying no, I think "I should have made it more clear, I should have pushed him away!!" I also am not very comfortable with the R word. It took me 4 years just to not flinch when someone says it. Now it just gives me goosebumps. You are not alone, and it's a good step in the right direction to reach out and talk to those who understand you.