Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I SAY PART 1, BECAUSE I HAVE ALOT TO SAY AND I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD MAKE IT ALL FIT.
On October 3, 1999 I decided to defy my parents and hang with three of my friends and a so-called group of boys, whom I thought were my brothers friends and were ok. We went out of town to one of the guys families place, his name is Leon and started to drink. At 15, I wasn't a BIG drinker but I had drank maybe 3 times before this. So I drank one can of beer until it was warm. Then, this boy by the name of James brought me another beer already opened. So I started to drink it and I had to use the restroom, I used the outhouse that was set up out there and I started to feel dizzy and I blanked out. The next thing I remember is hearing a voice saying "Get up. Get up Cassie. Come on its cold." I sat up and she had my arm. She said "What happened, Cassie?" I looked down and I had no clothes on for the waist down. I was cold and in a hole. I started to cry and she told me she called my mom and dad. She helped me put my clothes on and took me to the police station where the ambulance was waiting for me. I don't remember much. But what I do remember is the hospital staff doing things to me and talking to me. My mom saying "I need to take her home now." I woke up at home and this rush of emotions came over me. Most of I felt dirty and wanted to die right then and there. My parents talked to me, but what happened, happened and there was no taking it back. I didn't dare come out of my room until my dad asked me to because someone wanted to see me. I went outside with him and here comes my brother (really my uncle we just called each other brother/sister) down our driveway. He stopped and stared at me for the longest time and I could see his eyes filling up with tears. He ran to me and held me so tight and started to cry. He kept repeating over and over how sorry he was and that he should have saved me. He should have never let me go alone. He thought they were his friends and that they would take care of me. But even that wasn't enough to take the emptiness away. The FBI tried their hardest to get me to take it to court and do what I had to do to push it so they could go to jail. But I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to hear lies and bad things about me. Bad enough I heard the cop, Marlene had told her family and friends how she found me and what she thought happened. Which added more fuel to my fire of shame and guilt. So I went into hiding. I spent my 16th birthday in my room. Until my grandmother asked me to come up to her house. It was dark out so I agreed. She had a cupcake one for me and one for my dad, since we share the same birthday, and they sang us Happy Birthday. It was nice for the moment. But what happened, happened and it still didn't take away the shame nor the guilt. December rolls around and I have started to come outside more. One day I snapped I guess. I left my room, my house and went out with cousins and drank. I drank to numb it all. Soon I would be dropped out of school, drinking every weekend, getting into trouble and putting myself in dangerous situations. That was my life for 8 months. My mom wanted me to sign up for Job Corps, so I did but soon didn't care if I went or if I stayed. Until one night I got caught with my brother and my friends. We were getting booked and I broke out of the police unit and ran home. We lived over the hill from the police station, so it wasn't that far of a run. The next day they came looking for me. The next few days my mom had to turn me in because they knew who I was, where I lived and found out I signed up for Job Corps. The courts agreed that they wouldn't lock me up in JDC for about a year if I agreed to go to Job Corps. So I agreed and was out on curfew and restrictions to stay home until I left. I didn't care what anyone said because what happened, happened and I needed to feel good about myself. The only way I could was to drink that's what I did until I had to leave. I left for Job Corps on OCTOBER 3, 2000. Coincidence or what?
On October 3, 1999 I decided to defy my parents and hang with three of my friends and a so-called group of boys, whom I thought were my brothers friends and were ok. We went out of town to one of the guys families place, his name is Leon and started to drink. At 15, I wasn't a BIG drinker but I had drank maybe 3 times before this. So I drank one can of beer until it was warm. Then, this boy by the name of James brought me another beer already opened. So I started to drink it and I had to use the restroom, I used the outhouse that was set up out there and I started to feel dizzy and I blanked out. The next thing I remember is hearing a voice saying "Get up. Get up Cassie. Come on its cold." I sat up and she had my arm. She said "What happened, Cassie?" I looked down and I had no clothes on for the waist down. I was cold and in a hole. I started to cry and she told me she called my mom and dad. She helped me put my clothes on and took me to the police station where the ambulance was waiting for me. I don't remember much. But what I do remember is the hospital staff doing things to me and talking to me. My mom saying "I need to take her home now." I woke up at home and this rush of emotions came over me. Most of I felt dirty and wanted to die right then and there. My parents talked to me, but what happened, happened and there was no taking it back. I didn't dare come out of my room until my dad asked me to because someone wanted to see me. I went outside with him and here comes my brother (really my uncle we just called each other brother/sister) down our driveway. He stopped and stared at me for the longest time and I could see his eyes filling up with tears. He ran to me and held me so tight and started to cry. He kept repeating over and over how sorry he was and that he should have saved me. He should have never let me go alone. He thought they were his friends and that they would take care of me. But even that wasn't enough to take the emptiness away. The FBI tried their hardest to get me to take it to court and do what I had to do to push it so they could go to jail. But I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to hear lies and bad things about me. Bad enough I heard the cop, Marlene had told her family and friends how she found me and what she thought happened. Which added more fuel to my fire of shame and guilt. So I went into hiding. I spent my 16th birthday in my room. Until my grandmother asked me to come up to her house. It was dark out so I agreed. She had a cupcake one for me and one for my dad, since we share the same birthday, and they sang us Happy Birthday. It was nice for the moment. But what happened, happened and it still didn't take away the shame nor the guilt. December rolls around and I have started to come outside more. One day I snapped I guess. I left my room, my house and went out with cousins and drank. I drank to numb it all. Soon I would be dropped out of school, drinking every weekend, getting into trouble and putting myself in dangerous situations. That was my life for 8 months. My mom wanted me to sign up for Job Corps, so I did but soon didn't care if I went or if I stayed. Until one night I got caught with my brother and my friends. We were getting booked and I broke out of the police unit and ran home. We lived over the hill from the police station, so it wasn't that far of a run. The next day they came looking for me. The next few days my mom had to turn me in because they knew who I was, where I lived and found out I signed up for Job Corps. The courts agreed that they wouldn't lock me up in JDC for about a year if I agreed to go to Job Corps. So I agreed and was out on curfew and restrictions to stay home until I left. I didn't care what anyone said because what happened, happened and I needed to feel good about myself. The only way I could was to drink that's what I did until I had to leave. I left for Job Corps on OCTOBER 3, 2000. Coincidence or what?
I can honestly say I am sorry it happened to me too. But it made me stronger and made me more aware of people and places. Sometimes I lost that mind set but I got it back and I call myself Resilient because I have always been able to bounce back from everything life has to throw at me.
Unfortunate that the next person to hurt me was my grandpa whom I looked up to and wanted to be like. Call me crazy but I can look him In the eye and make him so uncomfortable in his skin. I like having that power over him and making him feel ashamed instead of the other way around.