Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I'm friends with my rapist. And sadly I can't get rid of them. They're suicidal and I'm the sole person holding them back. I've tallied how many times they did it. And honestly, I'm not okay. My current boyfriend and friends who know the incidents, and knows the 'friend' have been telling me to distance myself from them. But if I do so, I'm scared they'll kill them self due to me leaving them.
I don't know what to do.
My friends are telling me to do what's best for myself, and be selfish for once in my life. But at what cost? To have blood on my hands? I'm scared that I'll do the wrong thing. Make the wrong decision. And that's putting me off leaving my 'friend'. And it's putting off me getting better too.
Second…I agree with your boyfriend and friends…
I balked at self-care at first. To me it sounded wrong to put myself first. However, that isn't what self-care is at all. It's about taking care of yourself and helping yourself get better. My old pastor was actually the first person to explain the concept to me, one of the things he said has stuck in my head ever since, "you are not responsible for any other person on this planet other than yourself and your relationship with God!" When he put it this way I understood a lot better. A common manipulation tactic people use is, “if you leave me I’ll kill myself”. You are not responsible for anchoring your friend. It is not selfish to want to get better and constant contact/interaction with him could hinder this. Those around you and here can only suggest it’s you who has to make the decision. I just wanted to say if it were me I would tell him, “the best I can do for you right now is pray, I need time to take care of myself and time away from you”
This is all just my opinion, I’ll keep you in my prayers
I too am a victim of rape. The person who raped me held something over me for years too. Then I realized, I was letting him control my life, by making me feel guilty. I did not want to live that kind of life for the rest of my life. Then I heard a program on the radio talking about a similar situation, I listened to it. I learned the it is not my fault and I had no reason to feel guilty. He made the choice and if he really wants to hold something over my head, that is his choice. I do not have to choose to live under it. I gave myself permission to forgive. Then I wrote him a letter and told him he has no more bondage over me! He can say and do what he wants, but I am free and I am going to make my own choice and not feel guilty about it. This person you are protecting is grown up enough to make his own choices. You are not his body guard, he does not sound like a person to be friends with, he is holding you back and making your life miserable. This is a controlling factor; how do you really know he will commit suicide? He talks a lot and makes threats, but as I see it, he does not seem to follow through.
I am NOT supporting suicide at all! However I do know about bullies, threats and talk the talk, but not walking the walk.
You sound like a very kind heart-ed and compassionate person who loves all people. That is very commendable. Do not let people like this stomp all over you!
I will be praying for you!