Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

1,912 Members
8,997 Posts
1 Online
Traumas & Injuries
/ Rape Support Group

My Fault.

Vicky92
Vicky92
I know that everyone says its not my fault...and my therapist tries to convince me of that. But I just can't help feeling that it was my fault. See I told this guy that I only met 4 days before that we were going to have sex but then when we were getting ready I changed my mind. He didn't like that very much. I was only 14 and I wanted to be cool. Biggest mistake of my life. I'm 20 now and this is proof that's its my fault. I just want to get past this and move on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel. I had been sleeping with the guy who hurt me for weeks, then I changed my mind. I felt like it was my fault becuase I'd let him do it before, so of course he would think he could have sex with me again. Like somehow it was my fault for changing my mind. I've only recently accepted that there's a difference between thinking it's my fault, and knowing that there are things I could have done different if I had known. Only I didn't know. we never know these things, and we're not bad people for not assuming that'd we'd be raped.

Here's how I try to think about it. Change it for something else, not sex. Something little like going to a movie. You said you would, but then you changed your mind. If someone then abducted you and held you down and MADE you watch the movie, Im sure you can agree that's weird and creepy right?

Furthermore, when you decide to cancel on the movie, you can't have known your friend would freak out right? And it's not your fault that he did. What you did was totally reasonable, you didn't feel like going and you told him nicely. It's not your fault that HE CHOSE to react so extremely.

You always have the right to change your mind. He had the right to be bummed out, but he did NOT have the right to force you. I know it's really hard to believe, but it wasn't your fault.