Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
i have 2 older brothers and my mom made each of us a scrapbook from the time we were born up to our high school graduation and we saw it at our high school graduation party.......it was really nice and, as far as i know, i'm the only one of the three of us that still looks at the scrapbook......as i was looking at the pictures last night i looked at one of my baby pictures and whispered,"what happened?????" then started crying.....minutes later i looked at a picture of me as a senior in high school and again said,"what happened?????????? where did you go???" meaning where did the sweet, honest, nice, virgin girl go??? i started cryind and cried myself to sleep last night......it was after midnight when i feel asleep......i'm angry at my rapists for doing this to me, but i'm more angry at myself for letting them control my life.....i'm sad that i'm not longer the way i wanted to be.....i hate myself because i lost the image of what i was/am SUPPOSED to be......i should have been able to get through this school year without dropping out, i should have been able to not end up getting raped twice, i should have been able to handle things/stressors without cutting myself, i should have been able to not go to the hospital 9 times in 3 years, i should have been able to do so many things and be this perfect person with no imperfections and be able ot handle these things and be okay with who i am.....and i tell myself i am all the time, but i know now that i'm lying to myself.....i don't know why all these feelings came up when i looked at the pictures....maybe because when i looked at those pictures, especially when i was in high school i realized that everything i did for people was for THEM, nothing for me......and then when i went to college-before the rape-i did things for me.....i guess the cutting thing is also for me.....i feel like people have controlled me all my life and for once i want control....i'm sorry that i've rambled, i just wanted to write about this......i'm sorry this is so long and if anybody reads this i appreciate it.....
you are still that same person. but in a way, you are STRONGER. BRAVER. you're still here. you're still taking each day at a time. you know? that to me is STRENGTH. even though you have days where you struggle...even though you have days where all you do is ask questions that you think will never be answered...you are COURAGEOUS.
you are a SURVIVOR.
i, too, ask questions...but really, who doesn't? every so often, i think to myself...that i "should have" done this...or "should have" known that...but in REALITY, we weren't prepared for something like this. they don't teach these things in schools...they don't teach them anywhere really. who advertises about this type of stuff? who pushes this issue to such an extent that it's almost mandatory?
instead, people make things like driver's education important. but what about the awareness that something so evil as THIS, as ABUSE...n not just any type of abuse but SEXUAL abuse, is really out there??
you are not alone in your thoughts. (sorry for getting a bit off-topic). when i'm sorting through old pictures...i took ask myself "what happened?"
it hurts. but you need to see where you're at now. you can make it through. you have already started to take control of your life. you are still finding yourself, and that's okay. because finding oneself takes more than just a day or a week or a month or a year. it takes years. lots of them.
keep your head up and just know that you aren't alone in this. you will find your way.