Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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charmingdisaster 09/06/2015

My rape happened about 11 years ago by my boyfriend at the time. I was barely 19 and in college. We had some drinks and he forced himself on me the back way. The pain was horrible. I remember saying no and to stop several times. He just told me that if I just relax it won't hurt so much. I even tried pulling out from under him using the bars on the headboard which didn't work. I cried and never felt so powerless, betrayed, and hurt in my life. Afterwards I kept a low profile. It took time to physically recover and I never saw a doctor. My now ex kept checking in on me to make sure I knew that he said I consented too it. To be honest he seemed unhinged at this point and I wanted it all to go away. Weeks go by and he felt satisfied that I was probably not going to report it. I kept working on forgetting. Drugs, alcohol, you name it and I got there. Recently though, it's come back and I will have to face it. I wish I did things differently but that's life. I was in shock a long time and quite young. It's taken this long but I will move on and I know it can't ever just be forgotten. Any advice would be great. I feel better for talking about it but vulnerable. The few I told back then did not believe me which made things even worse. Thanks everyone.

KAdunn 09/06/2015

That is what stays with you for a long time-the shame. But the shame is his and should be on him. I believe you and I'm sorry you didn't get that validation at the time. It happened to me on my 20th bday with a guy I had been seeing. That doesn't give them the right to do that to us. The statue of limitation's is so horrible and only protects the rapist . like you I was in shock for weeks. And I only managed to write a letter to the PD at near where he lived at the time. They never arrested him or tried to do anything about it. You're not alone. It happened to me 23years ago.

charmingdisaster 09/06/2015

Thanks. It's really good to know that I'm not alone. I always need anyone who's willing to talk. I feel so alone and scared now that this is all flooding back at me. I feel dumb too that it's come back to memory. It's major and I had it that hidden.

KAdunn 09/06/2015

I'm starting EMDR therapy 9-10 to try and remember and heal from the assault so it won't be causing me horrible emotions and side effects anymore.

valgal18 09/06/2015

i'm so sorry that that happened to you.....i know from experience that pushing it away does more damage emotionally and mentally so if i were you i would avoid that.....i'm a big advocate for therapy and i truly believe it works.....most local rape crisis centers offer therapy for free so i would look into that.....i was raped twice when i was 18 so i understand how it affects you when you're that young.....if you have any flashbacks i would recommend deep breathing or finding some sort of grounding technique that works for you....i like to carry hard candy with me because if i have a flashback or start having a panic attack i can suck on the candy and bring myself back to the present......i hope this helped...if you need to talk please feel free to message me

degenarolaura 09/11/2015

I am so sorry this happened to you. I was rapped almost 5 years ago at 20 years old. I was also my boyfriend at the time. He really hurt me though and I woke up at a hospital two days and three surgeries later. Thankfully for me and due to the damage he did, he is still in jail, he got 25 years. He has an appeal coming but I have been told that he won't win. I recently had a traumatic experience where I had to watch a friend of mine being raped and it has brought to much of it back. I returned to therapy and am trying not to let it affect even more my current relationship.
What triggers my panic attacks are usually when someone screams (like even from a scare), loud noises, and sadly, since the last experience, I can't stand to hug my boyfriend for more than a few seconds... For me nights are the worst time but I am usually able to come back by talking even if it's to myself.
Please feel free to talk to me about anything. I hope things get better for you.

andrealambert 10/23/2015

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Don't feel bad for not reporting it, sometimes that is retraumitizing. i have been raped more times than I can count especially since they widened the definition of rape to include when you're too intoxicated to consent. I never reported any of them. i just couldn't handle reliving it. Plus they were all people I kind of one or had just met that night and one was a sexual partner.

It's always horrible when people don't believe you and so often that is the knee jerk reaction when a rape is reported, especially between people who know each other who are in fact the most likely to rape each other in the first place.

It goes away into repression and then it comes back in flashbacks. Things that I have found help are journaling, writing in general whatever yr format, and cannabis for the PTSD. It takes a lot of time to get over.

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