Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
It happened September last year but I still dont want to talk about it... I feel that I need to protect my 'privacy' for my family and I am scared that he might be reading this.. I cheated on my HB and after I got caught he decided to give me another chance. I never saw the Affair Person again. It was really tuff between my HB and I and I started drinking to 'get away'. One evening I felt cautious for some reason and did not take my anti-depressant and sleeping tablet from him because I needed to see what happened on previous occations I blacked out (he thought that I drank the tablets that specific evening but I acted as if I did and acted as if I passed out).It was horrible. Really horrible. I did not think that he could stoop so low while I am lying there 'lifeless'. The father of my children, HB of 8 years!
I really need advice. I know that I am avoiding thoughts and memories about that evening. He said on the previous occations that I cant remembered I really liked it and turned into a 'Nympho'. I loved him, I suppose I still do. I am so confused by it all. I dont know what to believe. I dont know if I will ever be able to trust him. I dont know if we could stay together. And I dont know if he would do it again. He gets really upset when I try and talk about it but lately Ive been getting some bad nightmares.
I would really really appreciate advice!
I really need advice. I know that I am avoiding thoughts and memories about that evening. He said on the previous occations that I cant remembered I really liked it and turned into a 'Nympho'. I loved him, I suppose I still do. I am so confused by it all. I dont know what to believe. I dont know if I will ever be able to trust him. I dont know if we could stay together. And I dont know if he would do it again. He gets really upset when I try and talk about it but lately Ive been getting some bad nightmares.
I would really really appreciate advice!
1.Perhaps a guilt factor for cheating on him. (Which does not justify any kind of abuse from his part!).
2. You, taking the pills from him. Why does he have to give them to you?
3. If you blacked out there is no consent there. It does not matter what happened before when you gave consent , if you are in a position where you are not in liberty to say yes or a no and give consent to sex. That is called rape.
4. Please consider contacting a local women's center and seek for help and counselling.
I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Thank you SO much for replying. I appreciate it so much.. Yes, I do feel extremely quilty for tthe Affair and for almost a year continuesly had to hear what a bad person I am (in very unflattering ways). I was molested (no penetration) when I was 10 and always thought that I deserved it and that I was to blame because my Grandmother saw thru the window what was happening and kept quiet. My Psychologist tried to make a referral appointment at the time with another Psychiatrist for my Husband but he could not help. I also went to the Police but did not go thru with it because I am afraid of what it could do to my children if it gets out. I suppose I feel a bit let down by the 'System'?.
Iused to take the tablets myself only thinking that it made me pass out but realized that something was wrong when I woke up with a terrible bruise on my head. He said that I fell on my way to the toeilet abd hit my head. I asked him if anything happened and he said that nothing happened. Later he confessed that we did have sex and that I was like a mad Nympho and he had to give in to me because he was afraid that I would wake the children and neighbours with my screaming. The second time I woke up in a different room in our house (the children gotbinto our bed that evening, I fell asleep on the balcony and he said he did not want to wake them so caried me 'lovingly' to the seperate bedroom, kissed me goodnight and 'nothing happened). The third time he got home with two bottles of white wine to celebrate buying our house. I was so happy and told him how much I loved him and felt like everything was going to be okay. He went downstairs to get something and said he also brought my tablets upstairs so that I dont have to go downstairs again. It seems like a perfect reason? But there was something in the way he tried too hard to be nonchalant about it and a little voice told me to be carefull. I acted asif I was drinking my tablets with the glass of wine he poured me and then acted asif I passed out. I was totally sober becausr I needed to see what he does when I am passed out. I had to act very hard to look like I was completely passed out -lifeless. He lied next to me, watched porn, got on top of me while still watching porn with his headphones on. Did he think SO little of me that my body could not turn him on. In that state he had to watch porn to get him to a climax!?! Am I as woman NOTHING!?! He said that because I wasnt blacked out or passed out, it means that I wasnt raped because I could have said No anytime. I suppose he is right but I had to KNOW what is going on.
I dont know what to think. I cant remember aanythi g from the previous two occations and now I am so scared that it might happen again and I just want to be happy and laugh and enjoy life and have my family together. I am so confused!!!
Forgive me for the personal question, but are you still sleeping in the same bed with him ?
You should not talk to him about it. He was the one who did this. It should be someone natural you can get advice from on how to proceed with caution and protect yourself.