What a lovely thing for you to do rk4262! I will keep that in mind if I ever do speak to male victims. My cousin is, but he is a very proud person.

Ardara, I'm a male survivor myself, that's why this is so important to me. I just hope we can get something going soon before I get discouraged. I need to start doing some research, and finding some articles and such, I've just got so much going on, I'm not making any progress.

Maybe you should advertise yourself on Facebook and other sections on this forum?

Articles? Are you referring to other male victims stories? Statistics? Therapy etc?

Yes, all of those plus how men overcame the emotions, and guilt, and all of that. Just anything that might help guys feel it's a place they want to be.

I didn't know about the advertising on this site, I'm going to find out how right now.

I'm not sure about advertising on this site, but there could be male victims on other sections like depression and such where you can send your link too.

But by all means, see if you advertise anyway considering this is a support forum after all.

Maybe, have your group for male survivors as well as information for parents/wives etc to understand and support. It could bring more people into the group too and a better awareness.

Not sure advertising is the right term here.
Also what do you want to know from survivors??
I was raped when I was about 12-ish, ask me anything. If you cross the line, I'll tell you.

it's weird, but i rarely think of myself as a "rape survivor", though i guess i am. i consider it all incest, child abuse and pornography. "rape" seldom enters my mind but my therapist keeps telling me i am a rape survivor. saying, "you were raped, repeatedly. how do you feel about that?" i think he's trying to illicit some sort of emotional response from me about things i've cloaked under different names so i don't have to really deal with them.
somehow, though, the thought of talking about it with a bunch of other guys terrifies me.

Notalone- I used the term advertise as I couldn't think of another word to use at the time.

I was also raped, but thats not the point I was making by having family members etc ask. I meant that a support group for family members, friends and wives can seek closure too.

Like my dad for example, he was at wits end and didn't know what to do for me. He was angry, sad and was sinking into depression because he felt helpless.

He even started looking into hit men before he passed away.

Beme- I can understand your point of view, but when it comes to male rape victims not many people know about it or understand. My cousin is a male and was raped by other men, and now he is a wreck. He was a paramedic, had a wife and a kid but because of what he went through he has lost it all and is now an alcoholic. He can't hold relatio ships down and is paranoid that he might be gay when he's not.

He feels alone, and my auntie is losing her mind over it.

So, just saying support for everyone. A bit like the sex/porn section, where wives and such can seek support and advice too.

I agree with Ardara, the terms "advertise", and "survivor", are just general terms to cover a better word we can't think of, and it's also terms that most people know and use. For instance, any gray wide strong multi-purpose tape is called "Duct-Tape", but Duct-Tape is actually a brand name, not a type. Or here in the south everything is a "Coke", even Pepsi is called a Coke, it's a brand name that has come into general use to describe a certain product, or idea.

Notalone00, any unwanted especially forced, or when the receiver can not prevent it due to age, or present mental, or awake/sleep status is Rape. Sure, somethings are called molestation, but it's still rape by definition. This isn't to have men just come tell all their secrets of what happened. It's so men have a place to go where they feel safe saying "hey, right now I feel like......", and other men can say, "I feel that way too at times, this is how I get passed it...". It's to talk about your latest car modification, or painting the house, just knowing the other guys know and understand that you need a friend that understands. Also it's a place where you can read where another man is considering suicide over what happened, and you can give advice, and SUPPORT, and help them deal with their feelings of despair. They see that you've made it, that you lived through it, and they know they can too.

Ardara, the first post I made, was asking guys to vote on whether to allow family and friends, or keep it just us, and possibly make a board for the family and such, if need be. I don't want to tell someone they can't talk about something because they are uncomfortable discussing it in front of family and friends, theirs and other guys. Thank you so much for your interest, and ideas, and support, it really does mean a lot.

rk4262,

Very good reply and yes, I agree with you. None of us meant any harm from what we're saying. There is no point sugar coating it. Rape is rape and I agree with you 100%.

And you're more than welcome. If you need any more help, anything at all just send me an email and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Have you started this group yet? Have I missed it? Will I be made fun of if I'm not 'man' enough? Or if I seem like a 'sissy' to others?

Notalone,

Why has the thought that you'd be made fun of by not being man enough or sisy on a MALE rape survivor group?

Please explain...

Can I just say that's it's happened in the past? Please, I can't do that right now... Strangely I can talk about my sexual abuse more freely than about verbal or mental abuse...
I'm not going to say if it was this site or not... Either way, I end up crying...

NotAlone-

In my humble opinion, I feel that you're a bit too hard on yourself. Because you were raped, does not make you any less of a man. It makes you more of a man to live through it, to fight through it. No real man or woman would hurt another person. That makes that person a coward and only feels powerful when they have someone in a vunerable position.

I am the same way as you. I can talk about my rape freely, but when it comes to the mental abuse...the humiliation I start crying and going into a dark place also.

If you ever need to talk, I am always here but please stop beating yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you, in fact from what I have seen of you on this site I find you very inspiring. You give excellent advice and you're always willing to help and to listen to other people even when you're hurting inside yourself.

Like I said, if you ever need to talk....

I hope it works out.

Not wanting to generalize but seems to me that males are more likely to suppress things like this out of shame.

I have joined.