Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
so i was talking ot my therapit yesterday and i telling her about this job that i had when i was 18.......what hapened was i was working at a psychiatrist's office and i was doing as assessment over the phone with a new patient-i was the only secretary that worked for him-and this patient wanted ot meet me...i said no and he said,"oif you don't meet me, i'll kill myself...." i was so naieve and young that i beleived him and met with him.....then when i met him he told me to get in his car without my phone or he;d file a sexual harassment suite against me-he would say that I harased GIM, when i didn't!!!!- and then said that he would makem e lose my job if i didn't get in his car......again, i was naieve and young so unwillingly i got in his car.....once in his car he forced me to do sexual acts with him.....give him oral sex, touch myself, make out with him, aloow him to touch me......my therapist said,"so, val, you were raped..." my question is WAS it rape???? i mean, i didn't say no, but coercion CAN be a way that people were raped and i WAS coerced......i dunno.....but was it rape??? was i the victim of a second rape???? by the way, i no longer work there....
What matters is not that you didnt say "no" but that you didn't say "yes" in an informed and truly consensual way. Having sex under duress or when you are incapable of giving consent (due to being asleep, drunk. drugged or anything) is rape.
And the particular way he did it - using your kindness and concern as a weapon against you - I don't know what to say other than "scum" and that sadly doesn't add much because by raping you he already was scum.
Forced oral sex is penetration, and hence rape. Depending on whether touching and kissing meant "merely" skin contact or insertion into other orafices, there may in fact be multiple acts of rape on a legal level.
The formal legal terminology varies from state to state but if there is penetration, they are all treated the same. Some states use the word "sexual assault" for all penetration crimes so that they can have one set of laws that includes the full range of penetrative acts as well as attacks against men. Other states passed laws that broaden the meaning of the word "rape" to include things other than vaginal-penile attacks. Some use both terms but the laws are written to assign the same penalties. Whatever term is used they all receive the same penalties and equally criminal.
As you note "coercion CAN be a way that people were raped". I'd state it more strongly though: coercison IS a way people are raped. There is no such thing as coerced penetration that is not rape.