No thats not all you're here for. You're more important than that. Sorry it keeps happening to you. It's re victimization and it happened to me too.

I am so sorry for your pain. I can't really put myself in your shoes, but can sympathize. Please take the time to heal and find the beauty in yourself. Surround yourself with people who build you up. Find the people who love and support you.

When I was young and dumb, I put myself in terrible situations that caused terrible pain and anguish. But, after many years I decided to hold out for better...better job, friends, surroundings. It helped me tremendously.

You will find better, as soon as you expect it for yourself.
Demand it for yourself.
You are worth the best this world has to give you.

I dealt with those same feelings - If you don't stand up for yourself it could continue. I never reported any of my rapes (many). I became a victim. It's haunted me for years and I wish I reported each and every one. Somedays it's easier to forgive myself and others hard to get over. It took me so many years to love myself and let someone love me. I know I'm deserving of a heathy loving relationship. Everyone is. Hugs.

I feel like once you're victimized and hurt in such a way you attract it. It's like i'm use to being mistreated by men and i allow it. Reality is I struggle with my self confidence and esteem. I have ever since I was raped. I feel that when I do meet a nice normal guy I push them away because they are too good for me. I literally attract what I feel like I deserve. I subconsciously feel my past is my fault and I don't deserve to be happy because I don't consider myself normal.....i feel damaged. so I set myself up and go with the jerks and abusers because I feel I don't deserve better. it's almost like i'm punishing myself at times, i go through phases of dating someone really nice, pushing them away ,dating a jerk, getting hurt, leaving and repeat.