Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
Hi I'm a 50 year old survivor of multiple rapes. It started in my family as a child with an older brother and its just gone on from there, really. My marriage was a total horror show, my husband just wouldn't leave me alone. Ever. Period. That was 25 years ago.
Since then and getting away from him, I spent 23 years living with a man who was never violent in his rapes of me, but rather more manipulative controlling and guilt tripping if I dared say no to him.
He's still in my life albeit at a distance now, as we no longer live together. I've been trying to break free of him, unsuccessfully, for the last two years. While on a break from seeing him, I got fed Roypnol on a date with another man back in April, without realising it, and got raped. Again. I have no memory of what this man did to me, which is probably a mercy. But I had bruises and bite marks on me the next day, and I felt sore inside and out, down below, to the point I couldn't sit down properly for 3 days. I didn't realise I'd even been raped until two days after the fact. By which time it was too late to go to the cops because the Roypnol was out of my system by then, and I had has a bath as well.
I'm bloody outraged about it, and deeply depressed, in equal measure. Worst still is that it happened on the night of my 50th birthday. Even worse is that this man had attempted to drug and rape me 3 weeks before he succeeded in doing so, but I got away from him before the Roypnol could take full effect. It's only since he did actually manage to rape me, that I have realised the truth about the first attempt.
I've since gone back to my abusive partner, because I figured there was comfort in the familiar. But there is none to be found. I've managed to have sex with him a few times but my heart isn't in it, what with our history. Besides my body has seemed to have shut down since the rape from the other man in April.
My partner questions whether I was willing with this other man or not, too. Because I have cheated on him in the past. But not for a decade. However 4 years ago I was raped by yet another man pretending to be my friend, when he had an ulterior motive. Just like the man in April. Believe it or not they are friends with each other.
It makes me feel sick to my stomach,, and I feel such a fool with it too.
The men I cheated on my partner with, are also friends with these 2 men. All of them are known to my partner. And I'm wondering what the hell is going on.
I don't want to be paranoid, but there seems to be a pattern here.
All I'm really looking for here,, is some support, validation and understanding. I know it won't undo what's happened to me, but it sure would help to not feel so alone with it.
I start therapy again soon. Which can only be a good thing. But in the meantime I need folks to talk to, who have been through this themselves, got to the other side, and give me a bit of hope for recovery. Lately the depression has been so bad I've considered suicide, and the only thing stopping me is that God wouldn't be happy with me for breaking my contract with him, and going Home before my time.
That,, and the fact that if I do myself in, the rapists and abusers win.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
I could explain to you how rape doesn't have to be violent to be rape, if manipulation and co-ersion and control are involved, particularly in domestic abuse scenarios.
I could also explain to you how in certain countries it is considered rape if the victim is mentally ill and/or intoxicated at the time of the incident,, and therefore any consent they may or may not give is considered invalid null and void in law, since the victims judgment is impaired and they don't necessarily know what they are doing or agreeing to.
I could explain to you how I know the effects of Roypnol, because that wasn't the first time something like that had happened to me. And we have a wonderful thing called Google so if you're not sure about anything you can look it up on there.
I could explain to you that victims of incest and child sexual abuse are much more likely to be revictimized by rape as adults because we give off an air of vulnerability and defenceless Ness, and predators and rapists have an unerring ability to pick up on this and hone in on their targets. None of which is the victims fault.
I could explain to you how most rapists are known to their victims, who may or may not have previously been intimate with the rapist of their own volition. If they have been intimate with their rapist before the rape occurs, it doesn't give the rapist the right to rape the victim. Or do you think it does?
Finally I could explain to you that the few men I cheated on my partner with, along with most of the men who then raped me, were friends and acquaintances of my partner. I barely knew them myself. I didn't have many friends myself because my partner wouldn't allow me to. I was seeking to escape a bad situation with my partner, but ended up in a worse one through the rapes. I went back to my partner simply because I thought I'd be safer with him, than on my own. When really all it is, is the lesser of two evils.
But you don't understand that do you?
So yes I will try to find nicer friends but it's clear you won't be among them.
And it seems I did end up explaining everything to you in the end.
Perhaps you learnt something from it. I know I did.
Thank you for the non support. I really appreciate it :)
Just because he can't remember raping someone it doesn't mean he didn't do it. He obviously feels bitter and twisted about being caught and punished for his crime. And he obviously feels its OK to come on here and cast doubts on what happened to me. He probably tried that tactic in defence of what he did to his own victim and he's angry it didn't get him anywhere. So he's taking that anger out on me instead.
Which is just not OK. And as you can see Aspie I have seen him off. Just with the facts. He clearly doesn't like strong women like me.
I say tough shit!!