Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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jane1984 01/15/2016

Hi, I'm new on here but I hope somebody can help, or maybe tell me how they dealt with this if it happened to them.

I was raped two years ago by my best friends boyfriend. I was invited to hers one night and woke up with her boyfriend on top of me :( I honestly think that she wanted him to sleep with me as she had cheated on him and just wanted him to do something wrong so he wouldn't guilt trip her any more.

The police believed me and it went to trial but he ended up being found not guilty which sometimes makes me wish I never even bothered. I wish I kept my mouth shut and carried on as normal as all this has resulted in is people staring at me when I go out.

People I thought were friends totally blank me. I have been told that when he was found not guilty he went straight on facebook gloating about it. He didn't say my name as he would have got in trouble but apparently there were a lot of people telling him to name and shame.

Before all of this happened they had an awful relationship and split up frequently. They had a little boy and the night this happened to me they argued in front of me because he thought that he wasn't the father as he looks nothing like him.

He took drugs and stole money from her. He took his son's birthday money once to go and buy alcohol. She also cheated on him a lot. She even said that once he got angry and said he finds it sickening seeing the man she slept with all of the time and how would she like it if he slept with me.

Since he was found not guilty all of this has somehow wiped the slate clean between them. I've been told that they just had another baby and they are engaged. It's like I was used by them so they could start again.

I don't want to even walk to my local shops as I worry about people knowing all about this and listening to their side of the story. I know it's something I just have to deal with but I'm finding it hard. I felt sorry for her before all of this happened and now they seem to be living more normally than they did before! I have no idea how this has made their life better and it's making me have a nervous breakdown if I'm honest.

I don't want to go on Facebook telling everybody my side of the story, I don't want to try and go out of my way to tell people what happened but I don't know what to do :( I feel really alone. I don't get how people aren't the slightest bit concerned that the police believed me so much that it actually went to trial.

How does anybody deal with this?

Porphyria 01/16/2016

I'm so sorry that you experienced this, but I still think it is a good thing that you reported it and went to trial. Even though he was found not guilty, all of this is still in his permanent record now, and any time anyone else files a complaint against him, it'll be that much more difficult for him to prove his innocence. This guy and his girlfriend both sound like trash. Total trash. I'm sure this will not be their last encounter with the law. It is only a matter of time before they completely run themselves. Meanwhile, it might be helpful for you to give facebook a rest for a while and just surround yourself with better friends if you can. This is a good place for support. You'll get through this. You should be proud for having the strength and bravery to go through with the trial. That's something I never did. I never even reported it and I often regret that.

KAdunn 01/16/2016

Never regret turning him in. Just like Porphyria said there is a permanent record on him now. If he does it again then they have something to refer to. I just turned in my rapist from 1992 and the police are investigating it. Apparantly in NV there are so many loopholes they can find a way to still get them. They also just increased statue of limitations for new cases to 20 years.

fuusheegii 01/16/2016

Turning him in took an incredible amount of strength, never regret that. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, both of them sound like awful people.

Definitely give FB and social media a rest for a bit, and try to gather a support system if you can. If you are not already please consider going into counselling it will help you get through this.

KAdunn 01/16/2016

I wonder if you could report them on FB?

jane1984 01/19/2016

Hi everybody, sorry it took a while to get back to you. Thank you for taking the time t talk to me :)

I deleted my social media accounts not long after all of this happened. A couple of days after I reported it to the police the man's sister messaged me on Facebook, I hadn't blocked her as I didn't know he had a sister. She sent me abuse which made everything worse.

I went to my best friends birthday party a few months ago and one of her friends told me about what he had written on Facebook about it. He told me he did it a while back and it's all been deleted now. I wish that I knew about it when it happened but never mind.

This is what I find so hard to deal with, I attempt to try and get back some kind of normal life by socialising with friends and going to parties I'm invited to but I end up being told stuff like this :( I was getting better and trying to move on then he told me about that and I've gone back to square one.

I live in a small town and I think everybody knows all about it. I am working on moving away and getting a better job but I hate the fact that I'm forced to do this when I've done nothing wrong.

I just have to accept that I can't really change the way everybody else feels that live where I do. The police were absolutely amazing with me and I have no complaints about them at all. I just wish that I kept it to myself as I feel really isolated after he was found not guilty. I suppose there's nothing I can do about that.

My best friend from school was raped and the man was found guilty so she has been a great help to me. Another friend of mine grew up in a house where her step father abused her and her sisters and it breaks my heart that it's somehow normal for people to experience things like this.

I used to be such a bubbly and outgoing person and I wish that I could be that again. I'm on a waiting list for counselling, I should have enquired about it a long time ago but at least I have now.

Porphyria 01/27/2016

Well, it sounds like you are definitely taking the right steps to do what is best for you & your future. I can only imagine what the struggle is like to live with this in a small town. You seem like a forward-thinking and strong person, though, and I know you'll get through this. I'm glad you've signed up for counseling and that you have some supportive friends. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about what others think. Try to stay focused on the people in your immediate circle, the people who can actually impact your life (family, friends, & work). Leave the rest behind. Best of luck to you.

gardengeena 01/31/2016

they always used to do that to me, they used to do it in public even in front of neighbours, and all that stuff. I mean there was like probably 50-60 people claiming what I was at times. in the end I just went ohhh really up y******* and just released some of the real data. I was spitting in screaming was a good one, actually I was hysterical had been sitting crying on the floor had seen the religions reps had reported the same as the others, inc a bloke who was apparently jaretcz. I was arguing with a bitch calling me an apostate, and for some reason the other kid wasn't real either. the records were missing and it was supposedly me with the attack on the real documents at ttimes, I was in an ambulance, I woke up properly after about 36 hours, at least 50 of them knew what I was and did, I was a loon and there were no paedophiles or sex attackers at the jehovahs witnesses and salvation army and there was no lost records either. I was hysterical and was screaming my head off crying and spitting at a few people who didn't report THEIR sex problems as it did hurt me anyway. so I went have the tapes pics and documents, and everybodies f******* names.
it was easy you want to out data ok then mate.............
I just got annoyed of them hassling me. so I mean he coudnt say he wasn't doing it in public with 50 odd locally and their online org attacks calling me and others liars, I mean hed gone them over their those ones theyre liars etc. so I just went ok then mate........
no no no no no lets do it............
it was actually a sex attack and it was violent inc after so I wasn't concerned, we did show the attacks were criminal and it was on the reports they had attacked me in places, but its like that the way they never do anything and its you, so in the end I just showed some of the court data too, they cant argue with me but you do get those people who start that and accuse or blame us .

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