Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
On St. Patty’s Day weekend I was at a party and I got really drunk. Towards the end of the party I was laying on the couch almost passed out like everything was spinning and blurring out. My friend grabbed me and told me we were gonna go upstairs and when we got up there she took me into the hallway and pointed to a room and told me to go in there. I walked in and a guy closed the door behind me. and i was just standing there so confused and out of it. and he goes “so like I don’t want any strings attached or anything since i’m in college but if you’re down for this then so am I”. I remember feeling too drunk to do anything and I didn’t know if he would get mad if I left. so I sat on the bed and he kissed me and asked if that was okay and it was. but then all of a sudden he sat down next to me on the bed and he got on top of me & he unbuttoned my pants and slid them down and I remember laying there panicking thinking there was no way out, thinking I was trapped. i was too drunk to function and I couldn’t figure out a way to make it stop. i remember being in pain. my head was at the end of the bed against the wall and all i remember from there is slowly feeling my body just stop responding. i felt like it was a dream. it didn’t feel real. i didn’t feel anything anymore. and then my eyes closed for good. when i woke back up he was done. i turned over or sat up or something and he was standing over me telling me he used a condom. then he layed down next to me i think and asked how it was. i remember feeling violated and scared and blaming myself for not being able to do anything about it. I left the room and went to my friends to tell them I blacked out and he didn’t stop but no one seemed to think that it was an issue. but i did. and i still do and no one can understand how I feel right now. i’m ashamed and embarrassed and i feel like it’s my fault because I was too drunk to stop him. I physically couldn’t comprehend anything or speak too many words or have the power to get him off of me. I felt trapped and scared and helpless and now whenever I close my eyes I picture myself back in that room wishing someone would come help me.
You also should be tested for an STD just in case. You don't know for a fact that the guy used a condom, and anyway, STD's can still be caught even with a condom.
Meanwhile, I highly recommend counseling so you can get past this trauma and how it's affecting you now. And if you are a person of faith in God, please take this to HIm in prayer and ask Him for healing, comfort, and strength.
And I'm wondering about the "friend" who sent you into that room and the "friends" who didn't seem to care what happened to you. Are these the types of friends you want to hang around with now? I would question anyone who doesn't seem to care about your safety and well-being. That's not a friend.
I'm older now, but when I was in high school I got drunk many times and did some really stupid things, like driving. I never felt like I was taken advantage of like you, but I definitely allowed myself to get into sexual situations which I really regretted the next day when I was sober. And it created a lot of baggage that I carried into my marriage. The cure for this is to not get drunk any more so it won't happen again!
Do you have something going on in your life that is making you want to dull the pain, so you drink to get drunk? This is another issue apart from the rape, but I urge you to deal with it. If there is something deep down that is causing you great emotional/mental anguish, this is another reason to seek counseling. If you have a trusted parent, friend, teacher, pastor/priest, or other relative, please sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. You need support to get thru this!
I'm praying for healing and strength for you at this time.