I don't have any advice for you. I joined this group because my husband is a victim of anal rape. He feels worthless and does all he can to make everyone happy to fill that hole. He told me he feels it's his fault. I did not know for several years after we married what he went through. He was drunk one night and it came out.

Yes I was shocked but I still love him. In fact I love him more for opening up to me. He appears happy and nothing bothers him most of the time. He feels he has to lie about stuff and I take it personally. He says he lies because he had to lie then. He wonders if anyone would have believed him. I believe him. My heart goes out to you as well. I hope you can stay on your journey of learning to love yourself. Do not compare yourself to these girls. They are exes for a reason.

i'm so sorry that that happened to you.....i used to do similar things.....i used sex to cope with my rapes and i am not proud of what idid and why i did it......i don't think we ever "get over" rape, but we learn to live with it and accept it......i think you shoud start a penny jar....i did this with my friend and it helped her....she took an empty jar and every time shehad a negative thought she put a penny in the jar.....then when it was full sheput it aside and started a new one....it wokred because she kept training her mind to stp thinking them and trained her mind to more positive thoughts so she could keep the penny.....also you can make affirmation cards....they work wonders and whenever i feel down, i look at mine....you can use simple phrases like,"i am not at fault.." "i am valueable" "it's only a thought and a thought can be changed" "my past does not feine me" "i am strong"....etc .etc....i have other sayings so let me know if you want some.....you make the cards and when you make them, you say them at least three times a day for three minutes....then you say them in front a mirror.....you don't have to believe it, just say it...eventually you WILL believe it...if you ever wanna talk, i'm here

Hun I know exactly how you feel I have that same feeling every time I look at my bf .... I still haven't quitefigured out how to forgive myself either but if you ever need someone who can realte I'm hear ..... and as my mother says... This too shall pass :)

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You aren't the one who's at fault here. The only people who deserved to be blamed are your rapists.
You deserve love and happiness :)

if it bothers you that im a guy, please by all means, dont read this....

i was violently raped when i was 12or13 some 20+ yrs ago... i know alot of the degrading things that our mind can tell us... and even to this day, it still hits me every now and then... but i also know that by talking about it, and helping others even just to know they are NOT alone in this...takes the power slowly away from it.. when i first joined this site back in 07, i couldnt talk about it... slowly i started to come around.. now i (most of the time) am able to talk with, or help anyone...heck ive been know to scare off trolls in here, they think they can attack a male for being raped by another male...yeah, they ( and the rest of the world) can just try and get me...most of the time i can take it..

but i am human, and there are times of depression from my rape, molestation, being beat up for yrs... and like it is sometimes i just want to curl up and die...

i also understand the part of why does my signiaphent (wow, must be tired) one want to be with me... so i ask my wife, she knows about that stuff in my past, and she just wraps her arms around me and tells me all the good things about me...

you are also human my friend, and you will take a while to get to the point that you can "handle" day to day stuff...it took me over 20 yrs.. you may not take as long, or you might be longer... but i know you will get there.

if you want to talk im hear to listen...

be kind to your self and you are a lot stronger than you think...you came to this site, and you posted something...that DOES take strength

huggz!!