i have tried to ingore this didnt happen and deal with it my own way. well that didnt work i cant keep on avoiding it. ok so im sorry but i just need to really get it off my chest. wish me luck... it was my ex he was alot of things nice wasnt one of them. liar, abusvie, the list could go on. i remeber the nite so well it sucks it use to be just certain words would send me back soetimes it still does,but more so here lately i have tried the sorda dating thing yea i freak out i cant do it anymore i would like to trust someone and fall in love but right now it doesnt seem like that is gonna happen so i need to get better before i can date a guy i was freaked raped no wondered i cant freakin trust anyone duh oh my im so slow i pushed it away like it never happened. i want to talk about it. i remeber the nite so excat i can remeber the day of the week (sorda) it hurt so bad ill never forget how can you even if i wanted which i wish i could. Sex was always a main topic he would bring it up and bring it until finally i just agreeded thinking he would shut the hell up. one thing lead to another and i can remeber begging him to stop tears rolling down my face and he would say. "im sorry baby im not there yet hold on" ill never get those words out of my head never i just laid there begging and pleading with him but nothing i sliently prayed for it to be all over soon, soon was never enough he would he freaking precious time and well i just wanted to throw up. i would just cry and watch the clock it seemed like a freakin lifetime was goin it seemed like it would never end. i didnt see it then til later when i was with friends and talking about him and different things i was raped omg those were some hard months i cnat believe this has happened to me it so hard kinda easy to pretned yea it didnt happen but it did it happened to me.
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I am a rape survivor. The abuse stopped in 2010. But here recently I have found that the reprocussions have started now. I have a chance with my significant other for a real future and I am struggling. I don't feel like I am worth more than I am now. And I don't want to continue the pattern