So i am not sure where to start. Only one person on this earth knows my story. I have always felt i had no one. One will help or care. I still think of myself as a damanged person. That i will never heal. I joined this group in finding hope. So i will start from the begining. TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!
So i was 15 when i dated this man. He was great! The best thing in the world. He was there for me through everything. Before i was 17 he bought me a wedding band. Life was great. But then he got into drugs. We broke up. Now i am a freashman in college. I just started dating a friend of a close relative. Things were ok for a month. Then new years day was the first day he hit me. I was shocked. I was always the one who said i would never let a guy hit me. Well he did for 8 more months. He tried to fallow me. He pulled a knife on me. He tried to break in my house. I finally filed charges and got pfa. During the last month of abuse my ex (the one i dated for years) got back in contact with me. He said sorry for leaving me. He made a mistake so on and so on. He helped give me strength to stand up to my abusive b.f.
we started dating again. I trusted this man. I never would of believe he would harm me. After a few months he was back on drugs and left again
Fast foward a little. I just turned 21 in oct but now i have a son(at this point only 1 years old) . He is my life. So when new years came. My son was with his dad (we seperated). I decided i was going to go out. My best friend and his gf was out on their own. I went to a bar that had family and friends. It was were everyone went. So to my surprise my ex calls and asked where i was and he wanted to see me. He miss me he loved me so on and so on. I was excited. My family there was thrilled (they thought he was the best and could do no wrong...didnt even believe about the drugs). So we hung out drank. After midnight i was ready to go. He was beyond drunk and i realised he didnt care. So i text my friend said i was going home. He said he would meet there. As i was heading home i got a call from family asking me to come back to get my ex because he was to drunk to drive. I just had to take him to my family members house. I gave it. I turned around picked up and took him to my family house. As i unlocked the door thats where evedything went wrong. He pushed me inside. Threw me to floor. Slammed the door. Then he pinned me. I felt so weak. I started to cry instantly. He pulled off my pants. He pulled off his. Next thing i know he was in me. Its hurt. He covered my mouth and held me down. I begged i pleaded i cried. It didnt matter. I remember him saying "i know you like it rough and thats how your going to get it" Them words haunt me. When he was done he went upstairs to bed. Told me i better come up with him. I begged to use the restroom. He let me. I was frozen. Just crying. Waiting for him to pass out. Once he did i left. Icalled my friend. He was beyond worried. When i got home i collaped. Crying and not being able to speak. Finally my friend got me to say what happened. He wanted to call cops. I didnt let him. He stayed with me for days trying to get me to tell. I agteed to tell a famkly member and go from there. (Feeling it was my fault. It had to be in my mind because this guy would never hurt me) well my failyvsaid its prob a misunderstanding because my ex and i were drunk. At that point i blamed myself further. Told myself if family dont believe me then no onebwill. My best friend believed me but at that time it wasnt enough. I just lived with this dark hole for going on 6 years. I never seen or heard from my rapistvagain. I went through alot of blaming myself even blamed my best friend at one point. He still stands by my side and is strong on my bad days. He has kept me sane. But now its time for me to try to heal if i can. And i was told i had to let my story be told for that to start.
Wow harder then i thought. Thank you