Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I think I had a break through last night with my panic attacks and flash backs. Those two things are something I'm really struggling with and I even posted something on it not too long ago...
But last night I had my FIRST break though...but it came in a very strange way and was wondering if anyone else has had this happen or am I really just now insane??
My boyfriend and I were playing around, just tickling each other and trying to see who could push who off the bed first. I finally got to where I made him fall half way off and he got back up. After he picked him self back up onto the bed (he was on top of me) he grabbed my arms and made a monster face. It really scared me even though I know he was just kidding and trying to be funny...I guess just the viloence that was used when he grabbed my arms made me flash back. (When I was attacked, before it happened, we were playing like this at first, he was over me and held me down by my arms). I just remember instantly trying to ball up, hide my face and started crying.
I have never been able to break out of my panic attacks once they start and they can last from 15-30 minutes, but this time, right before I really started to cry something very stranged happened...the picture I saw right before I went into my attack (Which was my boyfriends scary/silly face) came into my mind then a voice...my voice...clearly said in my mind, "What are you doing? It didn't happen like this." >Meaning when it happened it was a scary/funny face I'm assuming< And I immediately snapped out of it.
My boyfriend knew that I was going into an attack and immediatly got up and asked if I was ok. I told him yes, but my face was red and I had tears running down my face. I told him later on what had happened and he said maybe I'm having a breakthough finally and maybe I could use that to help next time. It's been over 6 years since I was attacked.
PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY!!! But this itself really freaked me out. It honestly felt like I was a skytzo for a moment (not to insault anyone!!). Has anyone else ever expierenced this or anything like it? Do I need to go seriously see a doctor? I havn't had counsuling yet, but plan to. Any advice!?
But last night I had my FIRST break though...but it came in a very strange way and was wondering if anyone else has had this happen or am I really just now insane??
My boyfriend and I were playing around, just tickling each other and trying to see who could push who off the bed first. I finally got to where I made him fall half way off and he got back up. After he picked him self back up onto the bed (he was on top of me) he grabbed my arms and made a monster face. It really scared me even though I know he was just kidding and trying to be funny...I guess just the viloence that was used when he grabbed my arms made me flash back. (When I was attacked, before it happened, we were playing like this at first, he was over me and held me down by my arms). I just remember instantly trying to ball up, hide my face and started crying.
I have never been able to break out of my panic attacks once they start and they can last from 15-30 minutes, but this time, right before I really started to cry something very stranged happened...the picture I saw right before I went into my attack (Which was my boyfriends scary/silly face) came into my mind then a voice...my voice...clearly said in my mind, "What are you doing? It didn't happen like this." >Meaning when it happened it was a scary/funny face I'm assuming< And I immediately snapped out of it.
My boyfriend knew that I was going into an attack and immediatly got up and asked if I was ok. I told him yes, but my face was red and I had tears running down my face. I told him later on what had happened and he said maybe I'm having a breakthough finally and maybe I could use that to help next time. It's been over 6 years since I was attacked.
PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY!!! But this itself really freaked me out. It honestly felt like I was a skytzo for a moment (not to insault anyone!!). Has anyone else ever expierenced this or anything like it? Do I need to go seriously see a doctor? I havn't had counsuling yet, but plan to. Any advice!?
it seems like you've got to the point where you are able to think logical/rational. like, you're able to tell yourself "hey, i'm not being attacked. i am okay." and able to reason with yourself, i guess.
i would advise counselling, just to help and guide you along. your boyfriend sounds like a respectable man -- to recognize what's happening and immediately stop his actions to see if you're okay.
it's been a little over seven years for me...i'm still struggling with things here and there, but we are all on the same road to recovery. i think it's safe to say you've had a breakthrough. ^_^
keep your head up.
whtever you had at the time, so i still can feel the pressure an my head banged like an imprint. i got the attacks over sex so it was sex related
the arguments etc were over that before.
so its sort of in those memories an responses. its like ptsd i had
thats what they dont always remember i got a sex bashing with injuries
it wasnt just an assault it was over sex intrusion. but it does do that
you get flashbacks as anything goes near it again.
it just retriggers, it probably still feels the same like if it didnt fade
so the intensity is the same even tho it was years ago.
is that reassuring im not sure but i hope it is.. huggggs