Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I am new to this group. When I was 18 years old my dad kicked me out of my house. When I was 19 years old I was with my boyfriend he was older (30) of over 6 months when he decided to date rape me.. I told him no and that I didn't want to do anything yet because I was still a virgin waiting until I got married. He said it wouldn't happen then all of a sudden he wouldn't stop... Afterwards, I cried and thought I would have to stay with him since I was raised to marry whomever you are with.. So I stayed for years with him... I didn't have no one to go to. So he paid for everything as long as I have him what he wanted... I was a stuck... I guess I put it all in the back of my mind and forgot most of it.
Then I met a sweet guy who I knew really loved me. He saved me from him.. We got married. Been married now for over 16 years, have three awesome kids.. About 2 months ago all of this that I must have suppressed came back. I woke up to smelling his cologne and that he was in my bed.... It freaked me out.. I have been having flashbacks from all of this stuff that happened so long ago.. I might have to go to a counselor... I have never felt with it before... What to do??? Any suggestions???
plese help... I just my husband about the rape and now he is hurting for me because he sees me hurting so much.. This is after 20 years ago...
My experience is not exactly the same as yours, but I suppressed/repressed/denied my assault for almost 3 years. I was 18 and a freshman in college, and he was a couple years older than me. I had only ever kissed someone before I was with him. He manipulated and forced me to do things I did not want to. I was also raised religiously and felt so used and stuck. We are no longer together.
The flashbacks I have are terrible. I think maybe because I pushed it away and denied it for so long, my brain is trying to force me to process things. I wake up in the middle of the night. Memories will come on so strong out of nowhere at the smallest things: a song, the smell of cheap beer, and so much more.
What works for me is to close my eyes when the flashbacks come. It's almost like shutting off the vision of the memory I am having, and I remind myself of where and who I am now. Deep breathing also really helps to slow down my heartbeat and it makes the panic seem less. When they get really bad, I go to the mirror and look at myself in the eye. I remind myself of who I am today and everything I have done since that time in my life. I make a list of all of the people I have by my side, and the beautiful things all around me. Basically, I do anything I can to bring me back into the actual moment in time.
I really hope my bit of advice helps in some small way. I started seeing a counselor after coming to terms with what happened and their advice helped so much. I am sending love and encouragement your way <3
He knew that I was never with anyone before and he also made me do things that I felt used and stuck. I stayed with him for a long time... However, I Finally got out...
I hate feeling like this... It feels like I am reliving it all over again...
Thanks