If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
This is a quote from a previous post of mine. I am reposting it, because two women have already contacted me to say they have the same problem. So that's four of us so far. I was initially apprehensive about posting it out in public, but now I am glad I did. I know I am not alone, and so do they. I just wanted to bring this topic out in the open. There's no reason for shame for the aftermath of abuse.
This was my reply to a post about having fantasies of rape.
I will say it out loud, and I only feel brave enough because I know I cannot be traced: I've had sexual fantasies of being raped, gang raped, and worse. I masturbated to it. I didn't like it. It made me uncomfortable. I would never, ever want that to happen, nor can I imagine getting excited from it in real life. But it did cross my mind. In fact, my 'good' fantasies would morph half-way through. In fact, sometimes that would be the only fantasy that 'worked' for me. It made me very miserable for a long time. I thought it was a proof of how messed-up I was. After a while, I stopped beating myself up over it. It is much less of a problem these days. I think as long as I'm OK when I'm having sex with someone else, I'm OK.
This started before I was raped. But I was randomly molested by strangers from age 6 on.