That is a great question that I would like to know the answer to as well. I haven't told anyone in my family for some of the same reasons you gave. Interesting!

It was very important to my recovery. Frankly, I don't think I would be here if I hadn't told them since the truth was chewing me up inside and literally killing me.

Background: My family always appeared to be really close, but that's just it, it only APPEARED to be. Things were boiling just beneath the surface, I never felt my parents gave a crap about me (I still don't) and I was always insanely jealous of my beautiful sister and brilliant brother. ( I still am) I was raped by my mom's dad when I was a child. I held it in for 18 years.

In those 18 years I suffered with EXTREME PTSD but permitted the world to think that I had schizo-affective disorder. My thoughts were always on the attack, I couldn't function, and I developed both an eating disorder and a problem with self-injury. I tried to kill myself so many times I have lost track. Still, I told no one.

Then, I snapped. My nightmares were getting too strong, the flashbacks too powerful, my ability to function was going from bad to worse and I knew I was on death's door. I started hinting to my (then) best friend and finally told her what had occurred, but only in bits and pieces.

I progressed to other friends and finally told one of the most crucial people in my life, my friend Tony, who pushed and pushed and pushed for me to tell my parents. He told me that it would be hard for them to hear but that I knew and he knew that I wasn't going to be on the planet much longer if I didn't tell.

Finally, in August of 2007, I told. In three notes my parents got the cliff notes of what happened. First, I told them that someone did something sexual to me without my permission. Next, I told them it was IT and finally, I told them that he raped me.

Aftermath: I could go on and on and on and on about the aftermath of me telling since it has been a year and a half and a LOT had happened. But here are some highlights:

- We confronted IT with a letter and IT denied doing anything (surprise surprise)
- IT has been forbidden to set foot in the house, call, e-mail, anything under penalty of legal action or me going to the papers (he's a big public figure, the last thing he wants is to have this make the papers. I would never DO it but, he doesn't know that)
- IT made up this bogus excuse that due to botched hernia surgery he is no longer capable of maintaining a erection
- My dad talked to countless surgeons, doctors etc. and discovered that IT's claim is impossible, every single doctor he talked to said bullshit, there is no way.
- Dad has told people without my permission (GAH!)
- I have little or no contact with my mom's family, they have disowned me for making this "crazy" accusation, I have not gotten so much as a Happy Birthday e-mail from my mom's sister or brother (her other brother has been in contact)

The important stuff:
- My mom stays in raging denial and claims this never happened
- My parents are on the verge of splitting up
- My siblings are nothing but supportive of me
- My dad's a mess but supportive

Me:
- I blame myself on a regular basis, even though I KNOW it is not my fault, for the mess that is my life right now
- My friendships are strained for the most part
- I am the lightening rod in the war between my parents

BUT I am getting SO much stronger, if I had held all this in I would most certainly have broken and died. So, in the end, even though my whole life is a mess right now, I know I made the right choice. I have my moments where everything is so messy I want to take back my telling my parents. I want my mom and dad to love each other again, I want my mom to love me and not look at me as this evil "thing" hellbent on destroying her family (I would never do that)

In the end, this is your decision to make based on your family, your life, your experiences. I would suggest you tell but I won't push it. It's hard, it's hard to watch your family struggle to come to terms with the truth. But, the truth is, it IS the truth and you can get some pretty amazing support from your family, case and point, my siblings. It also takes a huge weight off of you.

I wish both of you luck in your journey, no matter what you decide in regards to telling your family.

Persephone

I've never told my family, and I've never regretted that decision.
With my mother's already very fragile grip on reality, the last thing I need is to have her take my history and make it part of the ongoing soap opera of her life. I know that sounds very cynical and callous, but I dealt with enough of her abuse and game-playing growing up; at least I can make the choice now to walk away from all that and concentrate on my own healing.

But every family is different. Some people will need to tell their families; it's the kind of secret that will only fester and put up other barriers if you don't. If you've got the kind of family that you want to be close to, then even if it upsets them you need their acceptance/understanding.

These days I've got my own alternative "family" of trusted friends; some of them know, with others it's just never been an issue.

Hi Mayday! I also have never told my family except my sister, and a few close friends that are like my family, but that is the best decision for me. My sister was very supportive and so are my close friends, but I think it would be a different story with my parents and other family members. I agree with Phoenix, every person is different as is every family, and every person needs different things in order to heal.

I feel as though talking to my family about everything would hinder my healing because it would bring many more stresses in my life.

Be sure to make the decision that is right for you.

best wishes :)

I was sexually abused from age 3 to age 11. I NEVER ever told my family about it. Then I was raped at age 11 ... still didn't tell my family but I went to school and was bleeding and passed out. My best friends mom was the school nurse so I told her what happened and she ended up telling oprotective services and my parents. My parents were a giant disappointment to me after that. My dad totally shut me out .. and my mother turned on me. I guess I was no longer their little girl. My mother used to taunt me .. telling me I was a slut and a whore.

I was brutally raped this past friday by four men .. total strangers ... and I have only told two people my boyfriend .. and my best friend (who is male) They did not know how to react and really I didn't feel like telling them was helpful. My boyfriend is trying but I don't even want anyone near me .. or touching me .. or looking at me.

My parents and I have patched our relationship up since I became an adult and we are a lot closer now ... BUT I was talking to my mother on the phone today and I was going to try and tell her but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I too feel embarrassed and ashamed ... and feel like some how she is going to turn around and tell me it is my fault. I just decided I can never tell them.

I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone verbally either .. my best friend and I text on our phones all day and I told him in text ... my boyfriend too. My boyfriend called me up horribly upset and like now .. I am wide awake at my house scared to sleep .. he is at his house awake worried about me.

I know what's helped me a lot in the past ... was to write down my feeling and the events in a letter addressed to who I wished I could tell. Then if when the letter is done you have the strength to give it to that person do so .. if not destroy it! It helped me to get it down on paper and out of my head. It was good therapy .. even though I never gave the letters to the people I wished I could tell.

Good luck

I haven't told my parents but know that at some stage I will. Iworked through this in my therapy, my therapist was often askin me what is was that stopped me from saying anything. When I was raped i couldn't face the fact that is what had happened and I wanted it to all go away. However there was more to it than that, I knew my whole life had changed in a second. My mum had always been reserved and never showed her emotions that gave me a way to survive which is why after testing the water I changed my mind and stayed quiet. My dad on the hand was completely different. I was struggling to find some kind of meaning, I couldn't bare it if his words felt as empty as the rest of my world had become. I needed them to be constant, so that I had some grip on reality. It worked for me. But I will tell them, my children have been brought up with a no secrets policy and when my daughter is older and going out with her mates I will tell what happened to me. I can then hardly ask her not to say anything to granny and grandad because I didn't tell can I. So there will be a time of my choosing where I can explain what happened to there little girl who seemed to change over night. Perhaps it will give them some answers to!

My opinion: It all depends on how your family is. Are they loving, supportive, mature people? Will they put you before their own feelings of shock, immaturity so that they dont automatically go for denial as a mechanism. There is no guarantees about how they will react. Even though in my situation it went horribly and I will never forgive my parents for the way they acted. I still dont regret telling them, I would have told them no matter what eventually. And now I know that I can't trust them with sensitive, personal information.

My story:
I told my parents and friends once I started legal/ police action a few months after the rape, once I stopped being in complete denial. My boyfriend at the time helped me to realize it was rape and very supportive through it all. But he was the only one who was supportive.
My friends blew it off as nothing, like I was talking about the weather- so completely unsupportive. And my parents have either told me I was lying, that if it did happened it was my own fault, we might have had sex but my "perception" of it being rape is wrong, etc. So after I initially told them and got in a big fight we never talked about it again and our contact has always been on and off. I tried to bring it up later with my mom and give her another chance, but I got the same response. I mean my parents havent been great or nice, but to do that to me in the middle of all the legal/police crap. I will never forgive my mother for her words and actions related to this. And I have never told her anything remotely personal again. But keeping this distance makes me feel good and is the only way I can deal with her. My dad later kinda ackowledged that it may have happened, but he still stands by that he thought it was a bad idea to go to the police and get a protection order. I have found very few people that were supportive. A few are, the people that are real and mature are great. But I keep it all to myself now, or on here. Good luck!