I'm new to this forum but I need to get this out. On July 21st of 2011, a cowardly excuse of a man named Doyle Carpenter raped me.  A lot of people may not see what he did to me as rape because I had gone to his apartment for dinner and had a few glasses of wine.  Let me assure you that I said no.  I tried to fight.  I tried to scream.  I eventually couldn't anymore and watched time tick agonizingly by.  

I didn't report it to the police.  I just wanted to forget and for the last 6 years,  I've gotten better at pretending. I moved away,  changed jobs,  got strong, and all the cliched things people do after trauma. I met a beautiful man who I intend to marry and I've led a decent life.  

But last night as I lay in bed next to my fiance and scrolling through Facebook,  under a tab labeled "People You May Know", was Doyle.  It caught me off guard.  I'd managed not to think about him, to stop seeing his face, to stop hearing him whispering threats in my ears... but there he was.  Smiling.  Happy.  Whole.  And it all came flooding back again and I screamed. 

My fiance has known for several years that I am a survivor of rape but I spared him the details.  He spent the whole night trying to help me out of panic attacks and calling every doctor he could to get a refill on my anxiety meds. 

I don't understand why terrible people like Doyle get to live happy, unhindered,  carefree lives when good, kind people like me live in fear, panic, and dread. I'm now afraid to open Facebook for fear that he'll pop up again. I can't go back to visit friends where I once lived because I don't want to risk the chance of running into him.  What can I do?? I'm tired of living like this.  I'm tired of reliving every moment of that horrible night over and over again in all of my nightmares.  What can i do?? Please tell me.  

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.