*HEALING
It's a whole process, and it's different for all of us. When my bf did it too me at 16, I was in shock and denial.
~No, it didn't really happen.
~How could he do that?
~Guilt, Non-stop crying, I blamed myself.....he was my bf after all.
~Next, I went back and forth, blaming myself, crying, a little bit mad
~Finally I was just pissed the entire thing happend
~Pissed about all my emotions, sad about all my emotions
~Emotional rollercoaster I guess

10 years later.....my heart still has heavy deep sorrow
~I'm not as angry
~I've come such a long long way
~Told soo many people
~Girls were shocked Boyfriends or friends could do such a thing, that they would have to be careful around them
~But it does still hurt
~Now I just think he's a sick bastard and always will be
***There's a special place for him***

You are right where you are meant to be, everyone is different, I just reached my anger stage a few months ago (I was last assualted 2 1/2 years ago, 1st assaulted 12 years ago and never dealt with it (was in denial until my recent rape brought it all back) There are 7 stages everyone must go through:
1) Shock/Denial: You will probably react to the rape with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.
2) PAIN & GUILT
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do around the situation. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3)Anger This is the stage I am currently in, I hate my rapist soooo much, it is now what fuels me. When I go to the gym I picture myself getting stronger, Strong enough to kick his ass this is the point I stopped being a victim, and knew I was a Survivor Some days I go backwards, and am in what seems like unbearable pain, instead of my usual keeping it to myself I make a point to tell someone I am having a bad day and talk about those feelings or write them on paper, or go for a run and truly think them out. Today i am able to recognize when that pit in my stomach is growing and I choose to take care of myself rather than let the feelings consume me. I think I am transitioning into stage 4) Depression/Reflection/Loneliness.... this is supposedly where you recognize the magnitude of your loss and it depresses you. Next
5)Upward turn, decreased physical symptoms, decreased depression
6)Reconstruction/working through: this is where you become more functional, start seeking logical solutions to problems in your life.
7)Acceptance&Hope-you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

Don't worry I'm not angry either just hurt and sad all the time.

JaymeLynn mentioned a range of emotions that we can feel. She presented them as stages, but in my experience they are more like a palette of colors. Day by day, we paint with whatever color we need to or have the most to learn from.

I think there is no normal when it comes to rape. That's not just because we're all different but also because rape itself is not a normal thing. It shouldn't happen to anyone. It is out of the ordinary and so are our feelings.

Even if it isn't a set of stages, I do think it gets better if we accept ourselves for whatever feelings we have now. In my experience, questioning whether we have the right feelings is what gets us into trouble, especially if we silence or judge ourselves. Feelings are very complex and one of the ways they are most complex is that we can be sad and happy at the same time, angry and hopeful at the same time. Letting ourselves just feel makes it easier to see that some things just "are" even when they make no sense.

Because of that, if we allow ourselves to feel, eventually the feelings become part of a grounded and hopeful view of life. We realize that the past can't be a measure of the future and that in normal situations the future is our choice, not the rapist's.

There is never one way to feel when healing.....your feelings are normal

Hey , healing is different for everyone and maybe your not angry as you are dealing with other feelings . Take some time to work through at your pace please dont be guided by others everyone is different .here if you want to talk . take care .

*hugs* Your reactions are that, yours. Everyone heals in their own way, in their own time. You may become angry, but you also may not. Being sad and depressed is common as well. I am sorry that you were raped. Nobody should have to go through that. You didn't deserve it. I was raped about ten years ago myself. It took me three years before I started dealing with everything, emotionally, mentally. I blamed myself for it and hated the way that I had felt. I became depressed and lost hope. I had wanted to die. However, I had wonderful friends who reminded me that there are good things in life as well, that I was loved. Honest love doesn't leave one feeling used or betrayed. Honest love feels like, to me at least, a completion. There is hope. Know that there are people who care about you and wish to help you however they can. I hope the very best for you.

each person and each incident is different - what ever you feel, is the right way for you to feel - as your body would heal an injury, there are different phases, but each day it will get better. There is no specific way you should feel.

I went through lots of different emotions - first was total shock - then i blocked it out - then i had flashbacks - then denial and self blame - He was my boyfriend, he said he loved me he wouldn't do this, he couldn't do this - then the beginnings of realisation - then depression - then a sort of acceptance - then wanting to leave it all behind - then more flashbacks - then wanting him to answer for what he did - then lots and lots of anger.

Everyone is different, everyone feels different emotions at different times - best thing to do is just not worry about it too much :)