When I was young I was brutally raped by my father, he also raped my friend who told her mother about it and that saved me after 4 years of pain. After being taken by children services I was later placed with my grandparents, on days my grandmother would go to bowling or bingo my uncle would have all of us kids play hide and seek and would drag me into his bedroom (where the other kids weren't allowed to go) and rape me. He had touched me before when he was friends with my father, so he knew I was well trained. I told my grandmother and my aunt called me a lier so I let it all go and have dealt with the stigma of being the girl who cried rape ( though I was only 10 at the time) the lier stigma followed me...I'm now 34 have gathered my strength and placed all that horror mostly behind me. Yet yesterday my uncle was accused again by a young girl and then tried to commit suicide, now it's all coming out that I didn't lie and neither did my cousin. My dilemma is that I'm not sure if I want to go and testify again. My father ruined my life first and made it hard for me to get to who and where I am now (which while not perfect and never will be normal, is a strong and capable compassionate woman) I've tried very hard to leave it all in the past, but in a way I feel his continuing to hurt others is my fault, and I want to testify so this little girl will not be alone in her fight and so he will go to jail where he belongs. Yet I don't want to bring it all back up again and risk my nightmares and panic coming back. I've been almost normal without meds for awhile now and don't want to go backwards into the horror that my life was. Any advice is appreciated because this is all causing my ptsd to go crazy, I'm jumpy and crying a lot and just cannot sleep, I'm in panic mode and am not sure if going to testify will help or hurt at this point, the only thing I am sure of is that I need to go back to counseling...Pandora box is already slipping open again and I feel out of control.