Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

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Do I tell my boyfriend

laurae1
laurae1
I have been raped twice. He knows about one. The other noone knows about this is my first time even admitting that it happened. It was 3 years ago. My and my boyfriend are talking family and marriage. This still haunts me. I dont know how to tell him. I am scared he will see me differently and possibly be mad that i didnt tell him. I dont want him to think i keep things from him, but i feel that this is simply my burden to bear and that he shouldnt have to feel any of this pain I feel. The other situation was enough for us to bear. Although it strenghtened us, it was absolutely hell to talk about and i still wont really talk about it unless forced to. Please help me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i would tell him , becuze its going to bug u later if u dont .
deleted_user
deleted_user
dnt keep it from him, he wud want 2 no and help you. i no myself how hard it is 2 tell sum1 you love something thats haunts you so much. Tell him, you need his help and support 2 get through this. here if you need anything. xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's a hard one love but if you're struggling to cope with it then he will be there for you. Maybe it will be better when it's out in the open. At the moment you are hurting beacuse of what happened but also because you are hiding it from your boyfriend- if you tell him then that's a weight off your shoulders. x
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is a scary one, but I think you have to take a chance and tell him - try and set aside a quiet evening when you've got time to talk it over properly.
He might handle it better than you think ......... on the other hand, if he really can't handle it then you also need to know that before you take the walk down the aisle.
laurae1
laurae1
We talked about it. I still dont know how, but he already knew. I told him that I had a really bad dream and he asked abouot what. I blamed it on the other man, but somehow he know that there was something else. He figured it out and held me all day as I talked/cried about it. But part of me regrets telling him because he is in so much pain for me. I didnt want to cause him pain. I know how bad that pain feels and want to protect him from that. I guess its too late though. I just hope I can help him through his as he helps me through mine.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would tell him because if i didnt i would probably end up just blurting it out at a later date anyway. If the boyfriend wasnt serious i wouldnt. i told my boyfriend about being raped 3 months into our relationship cos i was seriously stressed out and he knew something was wrong anyway. He became the only person i have ever told the details to (apart from the police)and was incredible.
Shai
Shai
it's really GREAT that you told. i had a hard time telling my fiance, too. and to see the hurt in his face...it hurt even more. i know how you feel...i don't like hurting (not even on accident) the person that's there for me the most...or that treats me like a real person...

i felt really guilty afterwards, but he tries to talk to me about it sometimes. i can tell it's really emotional for him because he has a hard time asking questions...

but i know he cares and i know that he tries. sometimes, i feel too emotional and when he asks a question then tells me he doesn't want to talk about it anymore, it makes me feel like he's picturing me "with" someone else and thinks i'm GROSS...i've told him this before, and we've worked through it..

but it still crosses my mind sometimes...and even makes me a little insecure...

but i know he loves me and that i love him and that's all that really matters...