I was raped in January of 2017. At the time I had so much going on, it was a few weeks after I dropped out of the IB program and I was trying to make some new friends. This guy had asked me out to go study at Dunkin Donuts, he was in my math class and we had some mutual friends, so I trusted him. This was before I was able to drive so he drove. I don't really know my way around Plant City, so when he started driving through the woods I wasn't too concerned, at least not until he pulled up to a house. I asked what we were doing heree and he said he left his calculator at home and needed to grab it. He went inside and when he came back out he said we should just study here, it will be quieter. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea because my parents wouldn't know where I was, but he kept pushing the issue and then grabbed all of my stuff and headed inside. I eventually followed. Little did I know he also had taken my phone. Once we got inside he pushed me against the washing machine and started kissing me aggressively, I kept trying to pull away but he would push harder, he started to take off my clothes and I was yelling for help, but there were no other houses around. He kept asking me if I wanted to have sex and I kept saying no, and then he asked "Well, do you want to go home?" in the most malicious tone. I responded Idon't know because I was scared of what he would do. That's when he pushed himself into me. All I remember after that is screaming, and the silent ride home, and walking straight to my room. I took off my clothes and threw them away, I put on the loosest clothes I owned and cried for hours. I didn't see it as rape at the time because the last answer I gave him was I don't know. I was raised as the pastor's kid and told to save it until marriage, so I felt as though I had betrayed my family and God and that  I was damaged goods. I didn't tell anyone for months, but I eventually told my Dad and he explained to me that it was rape. I never gave consent. I told him I didn't want to press charges because I didn't want everyone, especially my super conservative grandparents to find out and he said he understood. We never really talked about it again. I tried to find someone who cared about me to have sex with, so that it would mean something. I used sex and marijuana as a distraction from how I felt about the situation and now all of my emotions are hitting me like a fucking bus. I keep having nightmares about it. I feel like I'm going to crash, and I honestly can't take it anymore. Please if someone has advice on how to deal with these emotions please tell me.