I know that if I answered this question, I would say yes- but only to someone else. I used to be addicted to drugs and also used to sell my body for money. I have had very horrible things happen by men- I am so messed up right now because of it all. I am scared all the time someone is going to kidnap and rape me. It has been over 10 years ago that I lived that way. I still can't bring myself to tell anyone I was "raped" because I walked into the situation knowing I would have sex.

It happened a lot. I would get in a guy's car and we would go somewhere to have sex, I would ask for the money up front. they would get violent, some not too bad others pretty mean, and we would have sex. I wouldn't fight. What is the point? I can't remeber the number of times that happened. One guy almost strangled me to a point of passing out. That I still have nighmares about because I really thought he was going to kill me and I wanted to see my son again is all I could think.

The time that haunts me the most is when my girlfriend and I went to entertain a few of college boys in a hotel. I thought it was going to be her and I having sex and the guys watching or something. But it turned out really bad. We were drinking and making out with the guys, but then I heard her scream and the guys were laughing. We wanted to leave, but they just thought it was funny. I could see them raping her as it was happening to me too. It was the worst night of my life. One guy used a beer bottle on me--- I can't rememebr it all but I always see this one boy sitting at the desk looking so sad. He wanted to help us- he hated what was happening. But he didn't help us. He just sat there. I feel so sorry for him. I don't know why. I have nightmares about this and his face hurts me the most, not the mean guys. 

I am crying as write this. I have never told anyone about this. It ruined my relationship with my girlfriend we never spoke about it after that night. She is still on drugs :( 

My throat won't let these words come out, but it really helps to tell you guys. I still feel like I deserved what happened for putting myself in that situation and being on drugs. 

I am really struggling lately. Thanks for listening