it's too close. he did other stuff to me than just rape and it all happened within the same time frame. starting in february, ending in may when i broke up with him. it's probably a bad idea to come off my ptsd meds at this time. i feel...very...uncomfortable. that's the best word i can think of. sometimes i feel like it's happening all over again around this time, but now i feel safe but still uneasy. thanks to chase, my boyfriend, i don't worry about anything bad happening, but i feel weird thinking about it. it was almost 5 years ago. yet i can still imagine it perfectly. everything, the sounds around me, his facial expressions, the way his breath smelled. it smelled gross. like a mix of burnt chimichangas and chili cheese fries. we had been watching garden state, my favorite movie at the time.

i can't seem to sleep. i just want someone to talk to who completely understands.

i can't eat chimichangas anymore, but i did watch garden state again.