Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
The anniversary of the loss of my innocence, the first of many rapes, and the reason for my infertility, is on mother's day.
I'm a stepmother now to a young boy. I love him as if he were my own.
He has a real mother. That is not me.
I am a parent. But I will not be a momma. Rock my baby to sleep. Nurse. Carry a child inside of me. No, inside me I carry torment. Flashbacks. Self loathing and doubt.
I hate mother's day. As much as I try to ignore it all I lean towards laying down and weeping, isolating myself. Instead I have to put on a nice smile and endure whatever my partner and his son have planned AND celebrate my partners mother as well! In four years I haven't done it. I leave early, I complain too much, don't say enough with a poor expression...
So this year I made 3 days worth of plans for everyone and had just finalized it (with real hope) when BAM real mom changes plans and back to square one wishing I could just hide forever.
My partner keeps insisting I just accept the fact it's a day to be acknowledged and appreciated and to stop ruining this. I don't know why I can't stop. This year seems particularly difficult.
Why do I see this day as an opportunity to remember loss and pain? I wish I could instead see it as a time to celebrate my incredible strength and talent in (step)parenting - trust me this is no easy task!
Cj
I'm a stepmother now to a young boy. I love him as if he were my own.
He has a real mother. That is not me.
I am a parent. But I will not be a momma. Rock my baby to sleep. Nurse. Carry a child inside of me. No, inside me I carry torment. Flashbacks. Self loathing and doubt.
I hate mother's day. As much as I try to ignore it all I lean towards laying down and weeping, isolating myself. Instead I have to put on a nice smile and endure whatever my partner and his son have planned AND celebrate my partners mother as well! In four years I haven't done it. I leave early, I complain too much, don't say enough with a poor expression...
So this year I made 3 days worth of plans for everyone and had just finalized it (with real hope) when BAM real mom changes plans and back to square one wishing I could just hide forever.
My partner keeps insisting I just accept the fact it's a day to be acknowledged and appreciated and to stop ruining this. I don't know why I can't stop. This year seems particularly difficult.
Why do I see this day as an opportunity to remember loss and pain? I wish I could instead see it as a time to celebrate my incredible strength and talent in (step)parenting - trust me this is no easy task!
Cj
Who is wrong here? Am I wrong for ruining the day on accident? Or are they wrong for forcing their damn expectations on me when i'm already down? I'm not even a damn mother (minus being a dog mom)!
I ache not just for myself but for all the other women out there who would be wonderful momma's and can't. I see all these horrible "parents" ruining little lives and wonder why...
I'm being rather emotional, i'm sorry.
Cj
Cj
However they probably are not keen on watching you fall into a pit of despair and are doing the only thing they know how to make it easier for you and show you that you are loved and appreciated.
I take my hat off to them for their efforts but yes, I find a sudden change of plans scary at the best of times, let alone when I'm having a black hole day.
Anniversaries are always tough and I don't think that having a day to grieve is a bad thing, I personally love a good cry to clear my mind.
Tell your partner how much you appreciate them for what they do but just remind them why you can be the way you are, it is a part of you and they need to acknowledge and appreciate that also. It is unfortunate but it makes us who we are and they fall in love with us for who we are, that includes the good and the bad.
And I'm not sure if this is a comfort as I do not have children, but a lot of women can produce a baby, it takes a REAL woman to raise one.
You are strong, you are loved and you are beautiful