Hello, I don't know if my advice is best. But like you I was 15 when I was raped by people I knew also. I didn't deal with it, let alone talk about it until it almost destroyed me. It's been 16 years now and the advice I tell others is to find ways to deal with it. Talk about it, write it down. I know that is the hardest thing to do but it puts it out there and makes it easier. Just a couple years ago, two to be exact I finally let it go and put it behind me. I remind myself that it happened to me but it's not going to control me. I have times where it pops up and I feel bad but I tell myself that I am stronger then it and my perpetrators will not have power over me anymore.
I know it's tough and hard. But having a good support system was also a good thing to have.
I hope that helps some.

i'm so sorry that that happened to you....the first time i was raped it was by someone that i knew......if you wanna talk to me, feel free to message me.....i find that writing helps me all the time if it's journaling or stories, it helps.....i used self injury as a way to punish myself for it and it didn't help at all......pushing it away didn't help either.....i'm a big advocate and believer in therapy and i feel that it's a great way to help you move forward.......most local rape crisis centers offer free therapy......something that also helps me is painting....i find a way to express myself in a healthy way....listening to music, writing, painting anything where i can express myself.....it sucks right now, but things WILL get better....i hope this helped....again, if you wanna talk, please feel free to message me

so sorry you went thru that . You didn't ask for it and didn't deserve it. Are you in therapy? that's what finally has helped me. When I was raped I bottled it up inside and after a few months couldn't stand it any longer and I sought a psychotherapist at the time. I would recommend getting with a really good therapist that deals with sexual assault. They will know how to help you. I can give you advice that mine gave me at the time. Write it down all your memories and feelings in a journal. You can even write a letter to your rapist if you feel up to it. It really helped me. I think I wrote like 4 journals. then i burned them all. Mine happened about 22 almost 23 years ago and it still sticks with me to this day. I only have bits and pieces though like you do. For some reason all of the assault is kept from my memory. But perhaps that is just your mind protecting you.

He was someone I knew and had been dating

@ KAdunn I haven't been to any kind of therapist. I've never actually talked about it before. I have been writing a lot about what happens. I usually will write at night to clear my head before I go to sleep but I always throw them away the next day so no one will find them. But I agree that writing does help.

Talking about it out loud with the right therapist will help you to process some emotions. What stays- the assault and perhaps some sadness. But the therapist that I've been going to since April has helped to dismiss some things I took for truth. Like the thought that it was my fault since I went to his house alone to confront and breakup with him. I never told anybody that and when she let me know that it was his mistake that I didn't do anything wrong and should of been able to confront him alone. then I felt more free from negative emotions. I don't know if I'll ever fully remember what happened but at least I feel stronger now if the memories do come.

Opening up on here is the first step.

I think who the person was makes it that much harder to deal with. When it's someone you trusted, Someone close to you, It's like it'll never be complete,y in your past.

The person who raped me was my father and to me it hurts so much I feel every day like I am breaking inside. I knew him when I was born til I was 4years old than my mom took me and my brother away. Not for these reasons. I ended up having to come back into his life when I was 11 and not long after that I was raped. Than I am now 32years old and he got out of prison and a month later raped me again. I have been dealing with this it feels like my whole life. I feel so broken. I have found not much help in the law or much else. But in myself I am learning to find ways to deal with everything going on. I love to cook and read and find when I do this I can go to a different place to get away from all this pain. I understand where you all are coming from and I just found talking to all of you to help very much. So thank you.

Also just to add sometimes I have good and bad days. Today is a better day but at night I find to be very hard and that is when I need the most help.