Yes, restraining orders aren't worth the paper they're written on. They only gain value if it can be proven they were violated.

I sometimes go on guard when I sense someone behind me, especially if I sense male energy. Depending on my emotional state, I can freak out if someone sneaks up on me from behind as a joke.

There was a period of time when I was paralysed with fear if I thought of leaving the house and having to walk someplace. The car felt the only safe place outside of home. I had to force myself to walk from the house to town, and I was in a daze by the timeline got where I was heading to. It got easier every time.

I was somehow never worried that he'd come into the house as i was raped by my ex partner while still in relationship with him, he used it as a disciplinary tool, and it happened in my own home. I never connected that he might come at night as i knew he too much of a whimp to attempt a break in. Your feeling unsafe at night when you sleep might have to do with the circumstances of your rape?

its gotten pretty bad. I always check out the door before I walk out. I always have pepper spray. I check under and inside the car before I get in. I look around and look for escape routes

After I was raped, I was dropped off on the side of the road. I remember running and seeing my shadow in the headlights of his truck and praying he wouldn't hit me.

For me especially at night if i hear but can't see a truck I have a panic attack, i just have this small thought in the back of my mind that he is coming back for me. I understand to some extent what you're going through, for me, I just honestly remind myself that the universe is looking out for me. And i have friends I call to make myself feel safe again. I hope this helps.

Have you seen a therapist about it?sounds like It's getting out of hand for you.

I feel like my rapist is going to kill me too. The charges are officially being filed on Monday and I have a feeling that when he gets the call that there is a warrant out for his arrest he will come and kill me.

I do understand, I always have to sit with my back against a wall, even in public, especially in public. Otherwise I'm constantly checking over my shoulder. Even if someone I know is facing me talking with me, and they are able to see behind me, I still have to check myself, because I just can't trust them to not be involved, that includes my wife and kids.