Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
I was only 14 when I first got rapped I tried to end my own life by throwin myself infront of a car my family found out and thought it best I didn't get dragged thru courts anyway life was just as cruel along the way until I met my husband he knew everything about me and I thought finally im going to be safe weve been married nearly ten yrs and found out hes been doing the same thing while im asleep I have to take meds 4 depression anxiety and sleep and I also drink if I have to go out the house because I just don't trust anyone anymore don't mean to be crude but id wake up feelin wet an sore and knew something wasn't right so one night I hid my vid cam corder an pretended to take my sleepin pill I felt every moan n grown down my ear while my head was in the pillow 1st he shakes me to see if im awake when no response that's when he takes my pants to my ankles I moved like I was wakeing up and he jumped off me before he thought he got caught I jumped up an screamed at him cut all my wrists just didn't want to look at him he cryed an said he wdnt do it again he did! my problem is I have this all on tape but how can I turn against my own husband and he can be so nice most of the time and id never want my children finding out they love him just feeling lost :(
I'm so sorry this happened, and continued to happen, to you.
I very much doubt your husband is going to change. If he's been raping you like that for some time, it's unlikely to stop just because he's been caught and (sadly) you may not be the only person he's done that to.
I do understand you wanting to protect your children, but if you're so distressed you're cutting your wrists and in the turmoil and distress, is that really protecting them? Are they boys and/or girls? If they are girls, they, too, could be at risk. Either way, they are learning how to have relationships from the example they see in yours. And, while they may not know about the rapes, they will have a lot more awareness of the way your relationship is than you may think.
You said, " ...how can I turn against my own husband..."? He's the one who turned against you. Maybe you'd be better asking "How could he rape his own wife"? If you report this, you're protecting yourself (and potentially others) and your children, not turning against him.
Abusers do seem nice, charming even. That's how they get their prey. I was told that if you put a frog in a pot of hot water, it'll leap out. Put the same frog in a beaker of cold water, then turn on the heat, and you'll cook the frog. That's how abusers work. If they weren't nice too, you'd never have got in the pot.
No one can tell you what to do. You must weigh things up for yourself and make your own decision. The one piece of advice I would give is that you keep the recording(s) somewhere safe, away from the home ideally, and don't destroy them even if you decide not to report it. That way, if it continues, if other things come to light, or if you change your mind you still have hard evidence.
As I said at the outset, I'm truly saddened this happened to you. None of it has been your fault. You're in no way to blame.
If you're able, talking with a counsellor may help you make a decision as to what to do and would help you deal with the trauma of it all.
Keep on keeping on, day by day, hour by hour or even minute by minute if that's all you can manage. You and your children deserve better.
I agree with the above post, you should absolutely keep the evidence in a safe place, even if you don't intend to use it. You never know when it may come in handy.
I've actually been raped this way. They don't think it's rape, but it most definitely IS and if he's done it to you, he's probably done it to others. It's up to you what to do in this situation, but I'd keep recording every night if you can. You have to take your meds and they make you pass out, so that's one way to protect yourself. I personally think he deserves the same punishment as any other rapist would get, but that's just my opinion and it's ultimately your decision. But please, take care of YOU and don't hurt yourself anymore! You're not the one that deserves punishment!!!
I'm here if you need to talk!