hi how are you...my name is angel and yes sweetie i AGREE...with you...to me it has nonthing to do with religion,,,,to me all about respect...dont take or touch anything that dont belong to you.....yes far as religion goes...some do...i dont...i think they should die...im not going to say im sorry for saying this because when someone get raped...the rapist kill them...they kill the inner person within...the victim is dieing on the inside if not already DEAD....SO HELL YES I AGGREE WITH YOU......and im glad you posted this...i hope you have a great day ok...

I'm with you val...
with what I've been through or what others have been through I don't grasp the concept of forgiving the abusers...the rapists.

Here's my take on it...as of right now though,
when it comes to forgiveness...I am working on forgiving myself...
-letting some of my guilt go
-on days where I blame myself for trusting that person, for being in that place in that time, etc
-when i look back and think...what if this...and only if I would have done that...I stop myself

Because if I had never been through trauma I would be an entirely different person. Probally greedy, selfish, judgemental, naive....etc.

It has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and made me have a deep profound compassion for others and for myself and to look at the world and every situation with so much regaurd and caution, very careful of who I trust, what I do, the words I chose and so on.

I thought I was careful before....I tried very hard to prevent bad things from happening and I could not. I used to give everyone a chance until they proved me wrong. So I don't do that anymore. I'm choosy and only surround myself with possative people and safe environments.

This is what forgiveness means to me....maybe someday I'll feel different....but I dont see that now.
Sorry it's so long!

I dearly hope you never come to the point where you need to forgive human darkness. That's all rapist are is walking spiritual darkness.
Forgiveness is a lot of christian bullshit. To go forward in healing you will love those who deserve love. I'm sure, this you will find. Walk in light and love. On the dark days walk in hope of love tomorrow. It's not about forgiving Evil, it's about loving those who deserve love.

I'm also agnostic but am interested in and learning about Wicca.

I have forgiven but forgiveness to me is not excusing my rapists, it's not saying what they did is now ok, forgiveness to me is not about them at all.

Forgiveness to me was about finding peace within myself, coming to terms with my rape, dealing with it, healing from it, accepting that it is a part of who I am and taking control of my life back, no longer having the demons that haunted me for so long continue controlling me and my life. It's about freeing myself from the anger and hatred I held inside of me that was holding me back from moving on with my life. It's about knowing through experience what rape does to a person, what it leaves behind with a person and doing what I can to help others.

It took me a very long time, many years of therapy, many years of fighting the demons inside of me and working on healing before I was able to find the forgiveness for me and finally heal.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

I totally agree with you!!! I am a Christian but do not go to church as i got fed up with those who knew what i'd been through aquating it with forgivness and faith. I can not bring myself to forgive the men that took everything that i was and left me a wreck. I have come quite a way in my healing but still suffer from ptsd. Part of me believes in karma and i cling on to the fact that the one who is still alive will suffer in some way for what he did to me!!!!!

Leather, I respect the process of healing you go through. I just disagree that healing as you indeed describe perfectly requires forgiving sex offenders. It just doesn't.

Oh and fuck the Christian god.

with Saintkenin on fuck the Christian god, being a born and raised Catholic who says what the hell did he do for me, and plenty more do I have to say on that subject....
I don't understand forgiveness one bit and don't want to. To me that's too close to saying it was OK. I forgive myself and that's all that matters, so say I.

Hey I am agnostic to. And agree with you I am I think in a good point of healing. But never in my life do I feel I need to forgive him. Ppl say it helps with healing. But I believe I am healing Pretty good without forgiving him. He does not deserve the forgiveness. And I think anyone who said that thy have forgiven there rapist is lieng to them self. Cos deep in your heart no mater how hard anyone trays, you will always secretly hate him.

SaintKevin, as I said, forgiveness to me is not about my rapists at all, it's not forgiveness to them. It's about finding my own inner peace and to do that, I had to let go of the anger and hate I held inside of me. I could have held on to anger and hate until hell freezes over but I found the only one being hurt by holding on to it was me.

We all need to find our own way of healing. I was just saying what has worked for me and helped me live with it without it having a negative effect on me and my life any longer.

Yeah, Leather, I did hear you say that your healing did not included making excuses for offenders. I heard that. I guess forgiveness is a tender button.

BTW I worship the goddess Diana. She is an old roman god. I suppose I am her only acolyte. She is the goddess of the moon, the hunt, of children and virgins. She condones yet soothes my anger. I guess I need to go pray.