* warning, long read*

I have a 8 month old beautiful baby niece who I love with all my heart. Is my older (by 2 years) brothers first child. I go over to his house to give my sister in law and my brother some time to get other things done (they nap to). Moms of the family also help out once a week. My brother is now back at work. He was off and had to go on antidepressants for awhile as things were difficult as my sister in law was struggling mentally (still is to some degree). 

 I dont mind being there as my aunties and uncles were never around, but it seems I am now the scapegoat of my family for frustrations. I get told off if I do something wrong, my brother is so quick to have a go at me for every little thing. I mean every little thing. My sister in law is perfectly fine with me. For example he was feeding her and she spat food out and my brother was like bring me tissue, see this is what you should be helping me with. She throws herself back and i wasnt there to catch her so she hits her head on the floor (padded mat) and was told off and said dont let her do that, she was fine and giggled). Tie the nappy bags tighter, dont pick her up like that etc. Normally i wouldnt mind being corrected but it's said with annoyance and venom in the tone and shouted at times. This has been going on months. 

I clean up all her toys even though I'm not asked to, I look after her 4-5 hours at a time and never expect payment or anything. I give up my time because I love my family. I am the first one to put stuff off and go spend time with my niece. I sometimes get apologies but it can't heal the damage that words have done, especially when it keeps happening. It's the whole sorry for shouting at you but....

Also baby was sick over herself and the car because I had to go back to mine and get something (was 2 minutes away from my house). I was told this is your fault because you didn't sort your shit out before. Not my fault the roads are winding. I was told that I dont appreciate how hard it is to put a baby in the car. I didn't know she suffers from motion sickness because I have never been in the car with her. 

Newsflash: I AM NOT A PARENT. I don't intend to become one either. Ihave never looked after a baby of this age.  I am not going to spot every little thing i do thats sligjtly wrong. I have depression and anxiety and have just started a new job after a year of disaster job wise and I am not sleeping properly. I'm sat in tears thinking and feeling like I'm a failure. I try my best but it just never feels good enough. I just don't feel good enough to be alive sometimes for everything (lost 3 jobs in a row, after working myself into the ground, slipped a disc in my back but still went to work on crutches, couldn't pay my rent, lost many friends as I dont go out drinking anymore, stressed anout my relationship etc).

I had a bad episode of depression recently and I was suicidal. Thankfully I have came through but I am still healing. Only thing that kept me going was my niece. I want to stand up to my brother but if he gets angry as I know he will, I will lose my temper with him. They are moving in 1-2 years time which will be 3 hour drive away so I won't get to see her much but this situation can't carry on. I'm tired of being made feel like im an inconvenience even though I give up everything I can/could to help raise her. I'm only an aunt, im not a parent.