had my VA hematologist appointment today. i left very frustrated. the head of hematology says they will authorize the lovonox for however it takes to get my INR therapeutic but not for life. its does not matter how many failures their have been or clots or bleeds on my part. that if it comes down to it i would have to go for weekly or more until therapeutic to the va clinic for blood tests round trip 70 miles. then to the coumadin clinic weekly round trip today was an 8 hour drive. i told her that was impossible it would kill me. i lifted my skirt and showed her how much my legs swelled on the way down there they were more than double normal plus i had all kinds of little pin dot bleeds around the ankles and toes and edema in or around the lungs because i could not stop coughing. plus i don't know how others do long trips but the only way i can do it is eat very little and don't drink a lot cause you never know when your gonna find a bathroom. in large cities i found gas stations rarely have bathrooms and restaurants you have to buy something to use the pot. plus once you get off the express way you may not be able to get back on all that easy. yuk. i may have been born and raised a city girl but a city bus girl i like my country life much better. Long drives are all so counter productive to maintenance fluid intake and food intake. the Dr. is only doing and saying what she must and in reality i wish coumadin would work. hate everything that goes with it the blood tests, severe attention to diet making sure i get enough fluids some times at the expense of getting enough food, all the subtle things you have to watch. if it would work no problem. i am so scared from the experiences of this past year and failures of clot and hemorrhage control that the experiment does not end till i am dead or called non compliant. i wish so much i could just say no i don't wanna do any of this any more. on the good side i haven't been well enough to make a long drive in a long time. i used to make this trip allll the time when my son was sick and we would blast the radio and roll the windows down and watch the ocean waves and surfers, dolphins, and wish for the whales. but i was never allowed to sing with the music without hearing stop you sing terrible. well today was a glorious sunny day. sun roof down, blasted the music sang till i lost my voice and no one to say stop you sing terrible. cause i don't think i do and who cares i needed cheering up. had a blast aside from the Doctor making me feel like a non compliant 2 year old.