My PCP told me last week that I'll never be able to work again. He said that I "have shunt disease". He said it's a real disease. Hmmmm....

I don't know if that's true or not, and as I've reported many times before while my shunt has helped my symptoms approx. 30%, I'm just not doing well. It would seem as if things are getting worse. It's possible that this is occurring in response to the MRI I had a few weeks ago while in the hospital. Either way, any amount of activity causes my shunt to swell, uncontrollable pain to set in and just for shits and giggles...the vomiting starts. More importantly, I'm pretty sure my vision is getting bad - although the eye doc tells me it's fine. (What do I know...)

We just took a weekend trip to Ohio and sure enough, if I felt like I had a hospital to go to; I would've gone. Along with being the sole income earner in the family...my husband is also doing laundry, cooking meals, grocery shopping, gets the children off to school, taxi's them around and helps clean the house. He is absolutely burning the candle at both ends.

This, of course, is not to say that I don't do anything...because I certainly do. But, last night my 13 year old daughter made it very clear to me that she is sad that I'm not like "other mothers". That other mother's get their daughter's off to school and make breakfast. I don't do this anymore because the mere stress of the morning is enough to put me in the hospital. They NEVER eat the breakfast I make and I find myself standing around most of the morning either yelling for the kids to do what they should or waiting for them to do it. NO THANKS! My husband ALWAYS makes sure they have a warm breakfast (which they don't eat), and I make sure their clothes are ironed and ready! Moreover, I always help with homework.

What she is missing, is the fact that she rarely if ever has any chores to do. We are paying over $3,000 per year for her dance classes, which we taxi her to and from at least 8 times a week. And, while we don't do something every week...we do a lot of fun activities. If I were working, while we may have extra money, I would be much busier and definitely wouldn't have the time with her that I have because I'm able to stay home. She is at that age though, where she loves the drama. So she goes to dance or school and tells everyone how awful her life is because her mother is sick. How hard she has it.

I tried to explain to her that I don't have cancer...I'm not dying. I remind her of her cousin who is left with a life without his mother who died of breast cancer last year. I reminded her of her other cousins who are expected to do their own laundry, clean their rooms everyday before school, cook a lot of their own meals and ALWAYS make sure they clean up after themselves....OR ELSE. Her one cousin has to wake up at 4 a.m. every morning if she wants to get a shower because there are 6 people in the house and one bathroom. Not to mention people in third world countries who can't afford medication, don't have food to eat, live in war torn nations, etc.

So right now, not only am I battling my disease...but, I'm also battling my doctors (who say there's nothing they can do for me), my family (who only sees what I can't do, forgetting all that I am and have done), and now my community who thinks I'm a bad mother because my daughter is apparently saying as much.

Time to start seeing a counselor...

MM3