Well Ive been through the hell of opiate addiction and I know for a fact the cycle your putting yourself through with the opiate use is only making ur depression 100 times worse. It's a vicious cycle because then more you feel depressed the more pills you want and it goes round and round. The good thing is there is most certainly a light at the end of the tunnel. I am a few days away from 5 months clean and i struggled with it from 17 years old until I turned 21 which I currently am. It's an ongoing battle but I too was so hopeless when I was dealing with this every minute of every day. For some people it's hard to hear but without a doubt you need a rehab. The grip of opiate addiction is pretty impossible to overcome on your own once your in its grasp. Good thing is that you don't have to do it on your own. I checked myself into an outpatient rehab in late August and it was the best decision I've ever made. Is every day easy now? Hell no but my worst days now are much better than my best days when I was using. Are there any rehabs you know of in your area? Just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel and its a bright one

Just to add to what JMO said, I couldn't quit on my own. I needed help. I was living with chronic pain just like you but it was pain that could easily have been treated with ibprofen and lifestyle changes. Losing weight to take the stress off my spine, quitting my job which put alot of physical and mental stress on me, to name a few.

The hell that I put my family through with my addiction plus having to spend 3 days in the hospital with renal failure were all the reasons I needed to quit. I went to the er and was checked into detox where I spent 4 days. From there, I went through an iop (Intensive Outpatient Program) for 3 weeks followed by 3 month of relapse prevention group counseling. But it was the 12 steps of AA and NA that changed my life for the better and I have never been happier.

So yes, I almost died but God kept me alive for a reason, and I have a great life now.

My biggest problem when I quit was, like you said, the depression! Horrible feelings of loss and isolation! To me, this depression was 100 times worse then the physical withdrawals. That kind of depression is the brains way of trying to get you to keep feeding it pills! Most addicts who try to quit cannot handle a depression this bad and will attempt suicide. That is why it is so important to get support and that is why I got the help I needed.

It all started with my doctor who put me on Pristiq which is one of the newer antidepressants. It helped tremendously! While in treatment I was treated for some other problems such as ptst, on the loss of my dad and for other things that triggered my addiction.

Please see you doctor and ask for help! You will be glad you did! I am sure there is a substance abuse in or outpatient treatment program at a nearby hospital! Don't let this get any worse then it already is.

You are a nurse and you can put yourself in a position to help others, ounce your own addiction is under control!

Please keep us posted, we care!

God Bless!

Thanks for the advise! I agree I need professional help and I would love to actually go into a rehab center, but because of my 3 boys that is not an option. I feel stuck!!! The closest NA meetings are about 1 1/2 hours away. What are your opinions about online NA meetings? I am willing to do whatever needs to be done to get my life back!! I am just scared to death of the depression and horrible withdrawal symptoms. How long do the withdrawal symptoms last?

The length of the withdrawals would depend on what you are taking. The physical withdrawals from vicodin last 3 days with the second day being the worst. The physical withdrawals from oxyconton can last up to 2 weeks. It will feel like the worst case of the flu you have ever had. The emotional withdrawals with the depression I spoke of, can linger on for some time.

You need to talk to your doctor and tell him/her all of your concerns. Most hospitals have outpatients treatment programs available. I was able to work during the day and go to treatment after work.

The only part that would require an overnight stay would be detox but that would only last 3 or 4 days.. Please take a proactive approach and try a little harder for the sake of your kids! If you open the door just a crack, God will open it the rest of the way, I promise!

God Bless!

There are intensive outpatient rehab options like we mentioned where you would only have to go 3 hours a day for 3 or 4 days a week. That way you only have to find someone to watch them for 3 hours and you are not forced to go away and live at a facility. Listen I obviously don't know anything about parenting but I do know your kids will be much better off growing up with a mom who is not struggling with addiction. No matter how good you treat them and no matter how responsible you are it is only going to get harder and harder because the addiction will get worse and worse if you don't get help. Just like you thought in the past you never would be one "of those people" you might not realize right now how bad it can actually get for you. I'm just being honest with you. Your kids need a healthy mom. Give yourself a chance to get better and seek outpatient options. Online meetings are ok and i am sure everyone has different feelings about them but they are in no way something that i feel should be singlehandedly used to fight addiction. Bottom line is that is nowhere near enough. Best of Luck

Thanks for all the awesome advise everyone. I am just to the point where I don't think I can ever do this, the depression is so severe. I wish I had never taken an Percocet in my life, I mean I truly wish I had never put one in my mouth! Even though I have insurance rehab is still too expensive. I am so scared, I feel so lost and like a huge failure! Maybe some of you can give me some Prayers and maybe a few hugs??

I remember trying to quit hundreds of times and the longest I was able to stay drug free before caving in to the cravings, was 3 weeks!

It was impossible for me to do this alone, I needed help!

I confided in my doctor about my problem and she was extremely supportive and helpful! She got me into the hospital detox where I was evaluated to find the kinds of problems that were triggering my opiate abuse. First stop was a 4 day detox, where I was put on suboxone which is an amazing drug. It's an opiate that won't make you high so you can work while on it, drive a car, or do anything you would normally do because you won't get high!

So I was feeling very comfortable while in detox. From detox, I went into a 3 week IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). That was followed by 3 months of once a week relapse prevention, group counciling where I learned what my triggers were and how to avoid them.

When that was over, I was easily able to wean myself off the suboxone with no withdrawals! That was 6 years ago. I more happier now then I have ever been!

In summery, if you open the dor just a crack, God will open it the rest of the way. You just need to put forth a little effort!

There are many people willing to help so don't be afraid to ask!

Good luck and God Bless!