I was addicted to Prozac Ativan and Xanny and wrote about it ie im a rolling stone .. baby stuff ironically I hit I'm lik a therapy addict my dr says it's lik im worse when I'm fendin healthy in a way.. I've found that Abilify is really strong.. and as an adverse effect my brother freakin hates that song and was dragged in a stretcher lik the freakin foster the people video I hate lik digital anthems lik that that just make people brainwash them into likin it is that tho I'm also kinda guilty that it didn't quite lik my dr chases me around with the injection notice I'm awful with that one that I must not kno how to stop because I'm always gettin really expensive and bad evulations it's just too lik im a lithium sympathy slut I've found it's been my lik druf of choice cause ok I kno Kurt cobain used it and lik I dunno whenever I got into lik a weird bout with my eating habits ocd whatever lithium helped me lose weight because it was heavy and lik the level of nausea to diet the way it mods you made me forced me to be a really like controlled person I got addicted to my own sadnesses routine I wore I always kno because I wore a lot of blue and I sorta liked the cliche I was like into blue period I felt really trapped in my own body I have posture and I was anemic and I was up all night vomiting from even lik my own sorta backpain corset that my clothes everything was lik giving me vomit discomfort and just my posture would sometimes it felt lik my smoking would be in my throat and finally the dr is so lovely they left me at vistril just lik this nasty after years of vomiting and weight loss lik I couldn't wear a bra or breathe at night cause my chest bones would feel collapsed in on myself from extreme weight loss or smoking but definitely whatever is in lithium .. and.. so in secret I spit out like clots of bile until your dr just knows whom I love.. this yellow little lik pre bile clot of spit called vistril it's lik I think by then they kno lithium makes you you've had years of torture of starvation and burning stomach and pain and moodiness and so my third checkpoint obsession was just that nasuea pill that even looks lik it's conscious of it I trusted it for lik 2 years until I couldn't do meds anymore practically because I was addicted it's just the nasuea in time needed a weight gain and a bunch of discomfort queen things.. it's been a b word my tremors are a joke .. and the nasuea has never been worse ? I'm awful tho I've been lik way too much of like that thing if you're sick put a pill in it or it makes me more social to be lik an advocate or something made me feel lik a better person or something but I dunno why it's just I feel lik it's being obsessed with gettin sympathies or something but I can't seem to stop lik using meds to lik escape my problems just because like I like the blood buzz or not being able to eat or vomiting sweating I like problems even I dunno maybe I'm depressed but it's killing me kibda very young damage in my gall which could be removed but it just shouldn't have to happen I dunno if it's my personality disorder or something but I'm not like a hoodlum but it's lik junk food and vomiting everything I eat just I dunno maybe I'm an atttention slut the hat the novel I'm reading I guess I want lik to seem lik important or actor dramatic or somethin but I can't help the way I feel it's just I don't wanna die? So I need advice on how to stop because it's been too chaotic.. and vomit is too much for a lot of people around me..
I Relapsed on alc yesterday my friend attempted suicide this morning and I don't think they'll make it I can't handle soberity I've put so much effort into getting clean I've lost majority of my friends I've missed out on party's and hangouts Ive sacrificed so much to get sober and I'm not anymore ive lost so much of my life and yet I'm still not sober I've missed this feeling I've missed...