I've recently been put on bedrest at the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy and can no longer do anything for myself other than use the bathroom and shower.  I cannot go ANYWHERE.  I'm using my imagination because these four walls will be all that I know for the next month or two. I know there are worst things that can happen in life and I'm trying to stay positive, however it is sooo hard for me to rely on other people, including my husband because like a lot of women I know, I'm just used to doing many things for my family and for myself.  The hardest part has been not being able to be there for my son, who is very worried about me being in the hospital.  I'm trying to look on the bright side because my husband has been doing his best to be supportive, but I think it's human nature to feel resentment at times because my husband can still do everything else that he's used to doing through out the day, like exercise and go wherever he wants to go.  He doesn't have to feel any of my pregnancy symptoms and he won't have to worry about any pregnancy complications that may occur going forward to the extent that I am worrying about them, as lately I've just really been terrified of not making it through any of this and my son loosing me.  

Most days I'm able to overcome these feelings of resentment because I know I'm very fortunate to have a loving husband and my mother who is very supportive when she is able to be, however I just can't get past not being there for my son if anything gets worst.  Although my husband has done a great job of being the father figure in my son's life, he's not my husband's biological son and for most of my son's life, I was a single mom, so I also get feelings of resentment because no matter how much I attempted to stay as healthy as possible by maintaining a healthy lifestyle the best way I knew how, I still ended up on bedrest and in the hospital.  This is the main fear I had about becoming pregnant again, but my husband continued to express to me that he really wanted to become a father and I wanted to give him that gift.  I definitely wanted another child as well, I just hope and pray everything works out so that I won't have to let my son down and not be able to be there for him the way that his biological dad let him down.  I've been the only consistent parent in his life and it hurts me to think about what my son would go through if anything were to happen to me because when I discussed this with my husband in the past and he always said that he does not feel like it would be right for him to take full custody of my son and that he would rather have him go live with his biological father who has never been consistent in my son's life and who has never been able to make my son a priority, which has left me with feelings of disappointment, knowing that living with his biological dad would never be the best living environment for my son.  So sitting here in the reality of what could possibly happen, it all gets overwhelming at times.