Pregnancy Support Group

Welcome to the waiting room for anticipating moms and dads. Whether you're expecting your first or a new little brother or sister, meet other parents in this community who are also looking forward to a new addition to the family.

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callie929 08/21/2010

Yes, back again.....where else shall I turn? Your hubby is supposed to be the person, he is all but that. I have no close friends anymore. My mother is gone, no family in this town. I'm stuck, out of luck, at my ropes end. So, another Fri night has come and gone. I was supposed to work 3 12 hr shifts. Had to call in today. Hubby went to his golf outing. Had a $100 bill in him, that was to be used for house payment. He was going to use a bit for golf, get the rest out of the bank again. He called after golf, said he was @ friends. He was going to walk home in 30min. But his phone was dead. So, that was @ 830pm. I text his friend @ 1am. Said hubby took cab to bar. Then get a call @ 230am, someone was calling a cab for him to come home. Said he did a lot of shots. He came home trashed! Couldn't stand/talk. Had $7 in him wallet!!! Spent almost all $100! House money! He just layed in bed, said nothing. He then got up and (sorry so nasty) pissed all over bed in his clothes. And he did this 2 weeks ago too! Alcoholic!!!! So bad!!!!! So, I had his phone and wallet. Sorry, but I looked through phone. He's always on Facebook and things and I feel with this behavior he's cheating. So, texting with unknown # but flirting, deff a female. And invite to an old friend to go out to lunch. But talked about me like I was nothing!! Other convos: married to me for 8 yrs, seems like 50; man, you have some hot friends, must be nice to be single; calling me his pregnant bitch wife; plus there's porn all on his phone and he hasn't had sex with me for at least 2 weeks and when he has he can't "do anything." Hrs being obsessed with sex, but not with me, he's drinking excessive, going out without me, without a ring, trying to hit on girls on Facebook......I didn't want to be a single mom or have a baby alone, but this is pushing me to leave!!!!!! Should I? He just got up and tried to lay on couch with me, wanted to 'cuddle.' Oh, he did nothing wrong. It's all good in his neighborhood. I'm the idiot. I'm getting taken advantage of. I want to leave, to get out and not look back.......to just have this baby alone and have him pay $.(if I would ever get it.) I am over being treated This way. I do so much, work, pay bills, clean, dishes, laundry, homework. He thinks he works, he plays. But not with his family. He won't get help.....so I guess its up to me to rock his world!????!!!

deleted_user 08/21/2010

First it is not good for u to be under stress like this, if u have spoken to him before about the drinking and he doe's it even more and what u have just said makes me mad.
pregnant bitch wife!!!!!!! WTF Do not have him say things like that.
Ask him does he love u? Does he want to be with u?
does he want this baby?
Hope it helps and hope u get it dealt with xxx

Shannag43 08/21/2010

I believe in talking things out, but it sounds like he just won't listen or be able to do that. I don't think its healthy for you to be around him right now. If I were you, I would leave. It won't be healthy for your baby to be around him either, he/she doesn't need to be exposed to that. I am so sorry you are going through this, it can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you!

callie929 08/21/2010

Oh we have talked, till I am blue. He just sits there and says nothing until he gets pissed and then defensive. It's a loose/loose situation. He wants to "stay" with me, but pretend that we are ok, but still have his nights of freedom and craziness and 'singleness' without me. He is talking to girls texting. He said he would call this girl after he went Golfing. He won't even call me. I'm just an idiot. I'm the babysitter. We never make plans together as a family. I am always with my daughter. Now pregnant. He wants to be wild and crazy and the more I allow it and hang around he continues. First, he thinks he's ok, he wants me to. Think that way. Brainwashing me! Stealing my joy for his unfaithfulness, lies, taking our money. I'm so hurt. I feel so ugly, fat, sick, anxious, alone......I feel used and used up. Cause I'm pregnant and have stretch marks, cause I'm responsible and can't drink. I am nothing to him. If I can't party then I am useless to him. He wants a party girl. As I was when we met when I was 21. Now I'm old and 2nd place to other single party girls. And he can go out while I'm home and its all good. I'm hurt, he does say he loves me. He wants to control me.:(

Shannag43 08/21/2010

You need to get out of that situation as soon as possible. It is not healthy for anyone. If he is that immature, then you don't want him around anyways!

deleted_user 08/21/2010

Wow, I feel for you Callie. For one, you don't deserve to put in that sort of position, ESPECIALLY since you are pregnant. Your emotions are all out of wack as it is, plus the stress he is putting on your life does not help at all. You've said that you've tried talking to him multiple times and nothing has helped right? I was told once before when making important life decisions you need to set a date in your mind of when you are going to make that change. For example, talk to him one LAST time and tell him how you feel and what needs to change. And to yourself, set a date of how much longer you'll wait for that change and if there's no change then it is time for you to move on. You are so unhappy right now, just think of how unfair it will be for your unborn child to be brought into the situation and have to deal with his selfishness. It's almost like he doesn't want to grow up and unfortunately he may never change. Good luck to you!

deleted_user 08/21/2010

Hi Callie. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I would agree with the other girls and say talk it out, but given the info you have provided I don't think he is going to meet you halfway. For your own sanity, and so you can look back and say you did everything you could I think talking it out may be helpful. Tell him how his behaviour affects you and what needs to change for you to continue in this relationship-that is if you feel it is worth salvaging. If it's not, then you know what to do. He is not showing you any respect or consideration and I don't think that's about to change. You need to do what's best for you, and you definately deserve better than this.

deleted_user 08/21/2010

From what I read I got the impression that you somehow percieve his behaviour as your fault? Because you are pregnant and you cannot drink or be the party girl? HUN this is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! He is the one with the problem. He is the one acting out and frankly being a child and running away instead of living up to responsibilities. I know how terribly hard it is to think about leaving a posionus relationship. I had to do it with a little one of my own. I am here to tell you that there is life on the other side. You can make a wonderful life for yourself AND your children, away from such poision. One of the hardest things I have had to do in my life is to identify and then cut off any toxic relationships in my life. Now that dosnt mean hate or anger. It means letting go of things that are harmful to you. Please remember that you cannot change someone, no matter how much you want them, beg them or hound them too. The only thing you can change is yourself. I also truly believe in a loving God. Please pray for his guidance thru this. I will be praying for you too.

callie929 08/21/2010

I don't believe its my fault. He just makes me feel that way. Never says he's sorry. Have to pull out $100 for rent that will leave hardly any money for the week. He says nothing. He turns everything on me. Tried to talk, he called me an idiot more than once. Said he is an adult and can do whatever he wants or hang out with whoever he wants. He said he is allowed to go out with.. regardless. if he is married or not. These were his responses with talking. It's my fault for saying anything to him, how dare I say a word about his behavior. I'm the one crossing the line. He is heartless. He knows I have no where to go. He doesn't have to worry about me. He knows where I'm at, who I'm with. That doesn't bother him. He said he wants to be with me though. He says that talkin with that girl was innocent. He was not hitting on her. Ok, so you just ask everyone their favorite color and food and call them more than you do your wife and want to go out with them while pregnant wife @ home with child. I'm hurt, I'm so pissed. He could care less. Never 1 sorry. I'm the idiot. That's that. That's all ive heard. I get no respect. Because of this I feel worthless, hopeless, fat, sad, ugly, stupid......just not happy over my life. He makes me feel so degraded. He can talk to whoever, but I have to be miserable. I have nothing for baby, but he can spend $100 in 1 night. Not say a word. He's just heartless, consiousless, feelingless........I just don't see how people can be so rude. I do pray. Maybe GOd is telling me that he's not changing, that I need to get out. Something better out there. I can't change him so either I get out or pretend its not that bad and keep at it, loosing my self esteem and hope and love and trust and joy 1 day at a time. I do try to be a good wife, he still says I'm an idiot. Does not want me to think I'm right of course or that him behavior is wrong. I'm supposes to allow it and overlook it and move on. Going to try to set up an al anon meeting to go to. He's an alcoholic. Maybe can find some support and new friends there. It's going to have to change for my sanity. I've already missed work. Will have to get a plan started and try not to look back. That's the hardest part cause I do love him. I think its a sick sick relationship. For sure!

deleted_user 08/22/2010

OMG i could have written your posts! I feel the same way, so lonely! My DH and I have been married for 9years, we have 4 children together. We've had problems off and on but we were doing good. I was working and going to school, we had a good relationship, he was spending time with the kids and family. Then I got pregnant. We ddidn't want anymore but werent' careful enough. I'm nearly 5mos along and in that 5mos I haven't gotten anything but negative words, he's never home, he won't touch me. He goes out everynight, watches porn adn aterbatges, expects blowjobs all the time. I'm supposed to cook, clean, work, go to school, run errands care for the kids. He says I bitch too much and don't do enough around that house. I'm lazy and fat and no fun. I can't go out and DO things becuase I'm expected to be home and watch the kids. Do you think I ever even get invited to go out with him and his friends? NO. He's always on the phone and internet with "friends" stays out untill dawn 5-6 nights a week and then sleeps all day. I know he didn't want this baby, I didn't plan it either, but I"m sooo lonely! I have no friends or family and no hobbies or time to myself. I can't leave him- I'd have 5 children, no friends or support, no where to go...... I really hate my life right now and really wish I could just disapear.

deleted_user 08/22/2010

OH and PS According to him if I would just "be a good wife and mother" he'd be home more. He has to have time away from my bitching. So if I just please him sexually 24-7, keep a clean house, closed mouth, happy kids, 4.0 GPA let him sleep whenever, come and go whenever and spend money like we're rich etc. Things would be differnet.. Oh and I can't do any of that becuause he has to know every minute where I am, what I"m doing, every penny has to be spent on him or bills....... *sigh*

deleted_user 08/23/2010

This is not normal 'my husband leaves his socks laying around and is so annoying' stuff! I felt sick to my stomach when I read this!
If there is ANYWHERE else you can live, please move there ASAP!!!! Even if it is another state or country!
This is a RAGING ALCOHOLIC, who is most obsiously cheating on you and NONE of this is your fault. Furthermore, these are all signs he would be a HORRIBLE father. Just awful...if he ignores his pregnant wife and gets so drunk to the point of losing control.

You deserve better and are being a great woman by staying home, caring for your health and you do not need this stress. You can get your rent paid if you leave him by getting child support and he has to pay or his license will be taken away.

deleted_user 08/23/2010

My advice would be to put your baby first. Find each and every way possible to 1. prove he is a horrible husband in a court of law. 2. take assets and put them in to your name. 3. hide as much money from his as you can and open your own bank account if you don't already have one.

Don't tell him you are leaving, but plan for it carefully once the baby is born and you have taken what you can from him. don't wait until the baby is old enough to understand this person as being their father.

it will be tough but you are doing the right thing for that child and yourself.

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