Just a bit of back history on me, I had 3 miscarriages over the course of 3 years, then 10/31/13 I had my daughter 10 weeks early, and I've had two miscarriages since. my Daughter's father is my current partner, however he is still very angry that we have a child, he didn't want kids.


I've been feeling rather ill lately, and it worries me. I think I could be pregnant again. I won't know for sure for a couple weeks. I feel exactly as I did in the beginning of my pregnancy with my little Rosemary. I'm terrified, I don't want to imagine how he will react if I am. I know how bad it was with Rose, and I don't want to think of how bad it would be now since he is still angry about us having her. I just know he would push for an abortion, and I just couldn't do it. I love my little girl, and I couldn't imagine what it would have been like if I had done what he wanted. I just don't know. I really want another baby, but I don't know how he is going to react, and I don't know if I could do it alone. I'm so scared of what to do next.

Anyone who read my last entry would know that there is a possibility that I could be expecting baby #2 and I'm terrified. Well, I'm more and more beginning to think I really might be pregnant. Last night, I was bleeding a tiny bit, but it wasn't a normal period flow. it was a tiny bit of pink blood once, which pretty much sums up implantation bleeding. And the timing is right for that as well. Then this morning, I'm even more sick to my stomach than I've been the past week or so .. .I'm really scared that I could be pregnant. I mean, honestly I want more children, but I know he doesn't. I could handle it, but I know he wouldn't want to. It hurts to know that we want such different things in our lives. I love him so much, and I know at some point, what we want may come between us. I don't know what to do next. I don't know how I would cope if he left me, but I really don't think I could get rid of a baby if I am pregnant.