Pregnancy Support Group
Welcome to the waiting room for anticipating moms and dads. Whether you're expecting your first or a new little brother or sister, meet other parents in this community who are also looking forward to a new addition to the family.
Hello all, I am new here and seeking some impartial advice/feedback for my wife.
We have two kids (Irish twins), the second was born last month. We have hit the most serious rough patch in our relationship. Yesterday, she just told me that she hated me out of the blue, without any warning signs in our relationship. In fact, we have been working on us to improve our relationship since getting pregnant with #2. We have spent one day a month together either going away (when we can) or going on a date at the very least. For Mother's Day, I got her a Spa day to take some time away from kids. She became a stay at home mom this year as childcare for 2 little ones would've been an entire salary. I also have a graduate education, and therefore can support us in additional ways and have taken on extra work (3 jobs).
I am concerned with the statement that she has made regarding her mental health. She would not talk to me about it after she said it and completely blocked me out. Last night, I received silence when I asked her if she wanted me to sleep with her in bed or stay in our boy's room. I am terrified about her mental state and the safety of our children due to my knowledge about untreated PPD. The irony is I am in the mental health field, but post-partum is not my speciality and I have no idea who to turn to. I don't want to talk about it at work, as she used to work there and I don't want her to feel guarded or ashamed in anyway.
I am going to try and reach out to my mother-in-law for support with the kids this week, as it seems as though she can use some extra help. I am also going to try my best and come home after my full-time job to take our older boy to the park to have some normalcy for him as well. I can see it in his eyes when she was leaving this morning that he misses his mama so badly, and it breaks my heart.
If anyone could provide some feedback as to next steps or to how to go about better supporting my wife, I would so greatly appreciate it.
It takes courage to post on here. I'm sorry I haven't gone through this, but it really sounds like you are on a good track.
Getting more help sounds like a great idea. Especially if you can find a consistent time and person she can depend on. Once a child is one years old there's usually local Music or Gymnastic classes that are good for the one year old and the baby can be in a pouch or sling. Mommie and Me type classes are good for socializing moms together. Anything that gets Mom out seeing other mom's is probably a positive. Lastly, if she has girlfriends, suggest a a ladies night or going to see a movie. The more she can remember she's an adult the better.
As far as the PPD, I think focusing on her love language so you can regain her trust is a good step. Once you have trust, you can point out some of your observations slowly... or talk about a mythical person you think might have PPD.
Every marriage has rough patches, I'm glad you aware enough to know you might be in one. Good Luck!