Pregnancy Support Group
Welcome to the waiting room for anticipating moms and dads. Whether you're expecting your first or a new little brother or sister, meet other parents in this community who are also looking forward to a new addition to the family.
I'm 30, married for 9 months, have a 2 year old and am due new baby in a fortnight (if not sooner!) I suffer from anxiety but have declined sertraline throughout this pregnancy as I feel although it's always there it hasn't yet got to an out of control point. I am quite strong minded and can logically think things through clearly the majority of the time but I was still relying/hoping on getting emotional support from my husband. Well that never happened and I've been trying to communicate my feelings to him and talk openly as much as possible about everything with him so that he can get an insight into how I'm feeling/what's going on. The difficulty is that he has depression and doesn't cope very well under pressure - I try my best to ask him how his day was, if he is worried about anything i spend a lot of time talking things through with him to help him chill out and not panic about things (which usually works) anyway what I mean is that I try my best to support him emotionally and don't see the pregnancy as an instant right to a me me me attitude. He is being very distant and moody and isn't wanting to talk at all about anything, he gets in from work, heads straight upstairs for a shower, comes down for dinner and says the bare minimum and says he's tired until myself and my son go to bed, then he will play his x box and stay up for hours on his laptop chatting with whoever. I've been very nesty lately and there are some things I obviously can't do myself so reluctantly I ask for help - I get huffed and puffed at and asked to justify why everything needs to be done. He doesn't initiate any physical contact unless he wants sex and has slept on the sofa downstairs for over a year. When I try to get him to sleep in our marital bed there is always an excuse (usually to do with not being able to sleep properly etc) I wouldn't take it so bad if he showed affection at other times of the day but he doesn't. He gets angry and defensive at almost everything I challenge him about (no matter how I say it) for example I said to him tonight that I don't feel supported emotionally and that if he were to read about pregnancy and birth then he may have a little more tolerance for me with my nesting etc, his response was that he broke up with his ex for being controlling and I should stop trying to rule his life! It was completely out of context and I really am struggling to work out how he got to that conclusion, I said this and he closed the whole thing down unable to justify it, disappeared upstairs and came down an hour later refusing to talk about it. He doesn't ever touch the bump or show an interest. In my last pregnancy I had to move in with family because my waters broke early and I needed to be close to an nicu unit and was away for 3 months (an hour down the road), when I got back home I found that he had been watching porn for hours every night that I was away, starting with the very night he left me in hospital, his excuse was he couldn't handle the pressure. I'm now concerned that he feels pressured by the new baby and will therefore do the same or similar. He never shows me affection or gives me compliments, he comments and jokes about the weight I have put on and today he randomly said in the car "let's play appreciate an arse" I asked where that game came from and he said he just saw a really nice are but refused to say where or who? I'm not usually inscure and would likely play along usually but given that I feel ignored in every aspect I'm feeling very touchy and it just deels inappropriate. I'm trying to establish if this is my anxiety or I should be legitimately concerned. I just feel like there are only so many allowances I can make for his depression and i feel like we are on a slippery slope with a new baby being added in very shorrly,
I was trying not to make this too long but needed to give a fair bit of background!
I'm reluctantly posting because I feel very unhappy and this is the first time I've joined any sort of forum for fear of people being unnecessarily nasty (have seen the way some people put others down on mumsnet etc) I need honesty but I'm feeling stressed and I'm branching out for support as I want impartial opinions so that I can get some perspective.
X
*hugs*
Hope you find support on this group.
I too am sorry you are going through this. As I was reading a felt like I could totally relate. My husband is bi-polar, depression and has had suicidal thoughts. It is something that we've dealt with for years and I tend to walk on egg shells because of. I have seen this in my husband too and don't think you are being over reactive, I don't believe it is your anxiety. Something is going on. Unfortunately the way I addressed it may not work for you. I pretty much just laid it on the line....I told him I knew something was going on, I asked him if he was cheating on me, I asked why he can spend time with everyone else and not me, why can he make time to help female friends with household things, but never have time for our house. He was not very touchy lovie like you said. I just pretty much laid it all out and told him that if he wanted a divorce to just let me know because either he needed to change or we needed to separate, because neither of us is happy (and before you go saying that make sure you are prepared for the answer and consequence) I also really made him mad when I brought up his depression...I told him he needed to either change his dose, or the medication or add another one. He didn't appreciate that, but it helped. And after some med changes...we are doing better. We are now expecting our second child and I feel like we are in a good place. Marriage is tough, but it takes two! I would defiantly seek out counseling we had a therapist that we both went to, sometimes separate sometimes together. I wish you luck, just try and hang in there. Depression is hard not only on the person with it, but spouses the most (in my opinion). My solution may not be your solution, but hopefully you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. Take Care!
Praying is necessary as in my opinion spirituality is also about connecting with your own soul along with God...
xoxo