Pregnancy after Stillbirth Community Group

Coping with pregnancy after stillbirth

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I knew this would happen...

michaelamommy
michaelamommy
Saturday was my nephew's 3rd birthday party, he's my husband's sister's son. After awhile my SIL comes up to me and asks me how I'm doing. I told her I was fine. Then she says, "So are you better now?" I said I wasn't sick, then she says, "No I mean emotionally. Now that you're pregnant again you can be your happy self again and start all over." I didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I said, "Oh yeah ." I left it at that and was pisssed the entire time, I didn't show it but I was. I didn't even know DH told his family that I'm pregnant. I knew people would act that way, like my daughter never existed. I told my husband that it bothered me and he said that other people don't see it the way I do and I know that's true, but I still can't help but be hurt by it.

My family doesn't know I'm pregnant yet and I'm not planning on telling them for some time for fear of their comments. I realize that others don't see my daughter as a real person and that this baby is a replacement to make me forget what happened and move on. I'm sure many of you experienced similar situations. What did you all do in thses situations?
OwensMommy
OwensMommy
Ugh! I'm so sorry...

You can try to explain how you feel about your angel, and how hurtful it is for people to dismiss her so easily, but the truth is, no one who has not experienced this loss will ever truly understand. Hopefully people will respect your feelings even if they don't understand them. If not, come here and vent to the rest of us because we do understand and we will never expect you to "get over it," "start over," or anything else that doesn't include loving your daughter and honoring her memory.

Big hugs,
Kim
deleted_user
deleted_user
What an ignorant comment. I'm so sorry. I haven't been faced with this yet (knock on wood), but if I do I'd like to say something like "well, I'm certainly excited about this baby, but will always miss Cale" Of course that's easier said than done and it seems like I always respond to situations with what I can handle at the time. Again, so sorry that happened - just so frustrating to have to deal with on top of everything.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I haven't been faced with that. I'm so sorry you had that experience. What I try to remind myself when people say things that are hurtful is that I don't think they say those things to be cruel, I truly believe most people just don't understand. All of us who have lost a child know that there is nothing in the world that will ever replace them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That really sucks but the truth is this is the way most people think because of their naivete. I feel like yelling at them and asking if their child died would getting pregnant again make you feel ok because you had a replacement on the way? Give me a break!!!!!! I haven't had a comment quite that uncaring but I have had ones like, "Oh everything will be ok now." Oh will it really???? Argh!
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