Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
This is NOT a suicide or self harm threat.
It's actually about my hobby. I call it a hobby because I seem to do it a lot lately. This last one is death by brain tumor. I get to finally lose my mind and be put in a care facility where I spend my time regressing into a happy child who cuddles with everyone. I do have moments of dramatic lucidity and the grief is deep. I die snuggled up in blankets in the arms of someone who loves me.
I have died so many ways. I have died more times than I can count. Each death makes a statement and sometimes is visually striking...or would be if I acted it out. Then again sometimes things don't come off as planned and there really isn't anyway to make loss of bowel control look elegant.
Ugh...I am so sad. I am hurting and I can't seem to purge myself of the hurt. Tdoc wants me to just accept feeling sad and let it pass. I did that in the recent past but this go around is different. I want be little and loved. It is an achy kind of hurt. Tears are close by but I won't let them go.
It's actually about my hobby. I call it a hobby because I seem to do it a lot lately. This last one is death by brain tumor. I get to finally lose my mind and be put in a care facility where I spend my time regressing into a happy child who cuddles with everyone. I do have moments of dramatic lucidity and the grief is deep. I die snuggled up in blankets in the arms of someone who loves me.
I have died so many ways. I have died more times than I can count. Each death makes a statement and sometimes is visually striking...or would be if I acted it out. Then again sometimes things don't come off as planned and there really isn't anyway to make loss of bowel control look elegant.
Ugh...I am so sad. I am hurting and I can't seem to purge myself of the hurt. Tdoc wants me to just accept feeling sad and let it pass. I did that in the recent past but this go around is different. I want be little and loved. It is an achy kind of hurt. Tears are close by but I won't let them go.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I do that, too, when I need to purge out my hurt but can't seem to cry or whatever it is I need to do to rid yself ot the excessive... well, I'll call it "ick" since I don't know a better word.
Sympathies.
I tend to imagine smilar scenarios and sometimes it hel;ps me finally cry and then I feel relieved--00but adrn if i ever really pin down why I get that way to start. Just sort of.... I dunno.... excess Emo-Ick? No real one thing, just the static of PTSD? Anyone's guess.
Imagine that this big old lioness is with you, and you are in deed little and loved and would be surrounded by love and caring no matter what.
Heck, I'll imagine the same thing.
I could use a good cry to let out ick, too....
I spent most of my life running from the image and feelings of the child I was. I thought of "her" as an unbearable, repulsive, detestable monster. I hated her and wanted to separate and distinguish myself from her. Only lately am I learning to love and nurture the inner child(ren). I've tried all kinds of logical reasoning to escape the terrible feelings that often swamp me, without success; only comforting the inner child brings relief.
CKD's a bear to live with, but my research as to its end stage is that it's a very painless death--which I plan to experience 30 years hence, knock on wood.
Muji Im have kidney issues as well , it sucks . but i do ok with it for now.
Honestly , If i knew i was going to die for sure on a certain date i would climb in the mountains( or find a way ) and just lean against a tree deep in the national forest and expire.
Somtimes I think jumping off something really tall and just smiling on the way down is a good way. or truthfully just in my sleep is probably the best i could hope for......god how morbid ,,,,,but I think these things too.
I should stop there....I can go to deep into detail.