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while wishing seldom solves problems, sometimes wishes can point the way to healing and/or resolution. at the very least, a mindful wander through the perfect fiction of my wish garden can be cathartic. it's okay to wish, as long as i remember to breathe while i wait for the wish fairy to show.
as i struggle to calm the psychotic episode which refuses to have faith in the current viability of the new --ahem-- normal which has established since the fatal car wreck which created my bizarre little family in september 2019, the hypervigilance continues to look for danger in every breeze which passes across our windy porch on the southern great plains. the most recurrent anxiety in the hypervigilant watch concerns the geriatric challenges already nipping at my 68 year old heels. please spare me the standard 68 years young youthenizations of our youth worshipping culture. the stresses of raising these beautiful children whelm me daily. the aches and pains of those stresses remind me daily that i am nearer the end of life than the beginning. is it ironic that the same people who tell me 68 is not so old are the same ones who are most likely to nag me about the probable causes of my demise are everywhere? dying doesn't frighten me. leaving these children to fall through the cracks of the foster care system terrifies me.
the wish i find myself washing this morning is the wish for a middle generation in our family. just wishing. . .
anybody else have wishes they'd like to wash? feel free to offer unsolicited advice to wash the wish to be a syndicated advice columnist.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It's just that a dysfunctional family such as mine was full of veteran story tellers knew how to spin the truth so as to play the victim of such mean government bureaucrats and their interference. I came to see the other side of the story: that interference was saving those cousins of mine. If I weren't being raised on the mission field abroad, where my parents moved from war zone to war zone to keep their violent behavior masked by chaos, social workers in the US probably would have saved me, too.
That set me to thinking I should make sure any kid was safe me in case I was a chip off of the old block. I had a vasectomy so I couldn't have kids at all. It turned out, though, that I wasn't domestically violent like my parents were. I even went through two divorces without having any violence happen at all. None.
So now that I'm 64, I kind of wish I'd had kids. I think I would have been a good dad. Certainly a good grand dad. It's nice that I have a significant other whose kids have a fun relationship with me. I make sure to enjoy that much. But sometimes I wish there could have been more. I guess that's just natural.
never too late? ? ? should i remind you of my immaculate conception of triplets at age 65?
My hat sure goes off to you Arf.... You are a brave lady and you sure stepped up for those kids
I am on the same page with Muji.... I decided young not to have children due to worry about the rage carrying on
I know that your SO has children Muji and I can only imagine that would be hard to walk into full time as much as you have grown to care for them
I to have wondered at times did I make the right choice but I think I did
Deep breaths... Sending a big hug of peace... xo