I love your sense of humor. And your common sense. Wanna share?

In my recovery i stay away from why. It gets in the way and seems to put another brick in the wall i'm trying to take down. In my vocabulary there is no why. Just being WISE.

Scott

Great wisdom stop looking for the whys
And get wise. HUGS

That actually helps me out a great deal. The cause of Monday's meltdown was wondering who (I know that's not a why) hurt me. But it's the same concept. Knowing the identity isn't going to help in the healing process. Knowing who broke your leg isn't going to aid you in setting the splint.

And then we get to those god-awful itches beneath the cast while the break heals. . . I have never had to live with a cast, but the folks I have helped live with theirs sure looked miserable when the skin under their cast got itchy. I have been assured that is the REAL value of wire coat hangers. . .

Well it really depends on the situation for me. Random acts of just plain Evil happen in life, terrible, traumatic events, childhood to adulthood, that leave scars, memories that often take a therapist's help to work through to try and heal, and there may never be a Why! I am in your age range arf, and it is only looking back as painful as it is, that I don't repeat the behavior. I grew up with, in an Alcoholic family, both sides, generations back. I went on to marry an Alcoholic man, I put up with abuse, neglect in childhood because I had no choice, it is what I knew, I married what I knew, and until I divorced and moved away, did I have to face the "Why" in order to stop the cycle, so I would not repeat it. I am and probably always will be a work in progress. I would not call myself wise, but there is the repetion-compulsion thing that Pete Walker talks about, I don't want to dwell on it forever, but I want to learn from it,heal from it, so I don't repeat it, and that ain't easy. Just my thoughts on a very subjective topic! Hugs

oh, that feels so good. it feels good to realize i haven't asked myself to figure - or to try to figure out the answer to that question in such a long time now. thank you, Arf

with you on - there may never be a Why - Cheese xoxo

Arfie, I'm so with you on the 'why' issue. I could get myself (in the past) so warped out in my head, blaming everyone for the crap they dealt me, and exploding on anyone near, with bp emotion rollercoaster rides. After many many years of therapy and life, today I focus in the moment on 'what is' not what might be happening. The "whys' have gone to to dump of toxic memories that serve no purpose. Wise Mind is the principle of DBT training. http://www.bing.com/search?PC=WCUG&FORM=WCUGDF&q=www.dbt.com This is how I Choose To Live The Best Life I can given any situation that comes my way. Take care, ML

as a self taught student of human behavior i have gotten really good at cannibalizing the heck out of the whys out of every minute detail i approach. in the end i do glean some healing from it in that i see how my behaviors were formed. i have gotten to where even though i can psychobabalize others motives, it only benefits me to understand how my actions and thought patterns are effected. when i know the whys of me i have much more success and clarity in my everyday choices and changes. it also helped me get past making excuses for the abusers and put the blame where it belongs appropriately. (ya know the part where we are taught that it was our fault when it isn't.)

if you can make sense of what i just said let me know.... Kelly and Linden have been philosophizing a lot lately. -lilu

"Why" generally makes me angry. Why Me? Why did they Leave me? Why? I am not past the occasional bout of screaming at the injustice of the world, but I do know there is no answer. It is what it is. Life doesn't answer to why.

Sometimes knowing why I think or do a certain thing IS helpful, and can break open a trigger, leading me to overcome it. Sometimes it feels like talking about talking and goes nowhere special. Knowing the why's of ourselves can be illuminating, but I don't expect answers about the why's of others actions or the forces of the world. I can only truly know myself.

I am also not yet wise. I am glad you are. You are a role model with your many posts full of concise wisdom, and I am happy that I am a recipient of some of this wisdom. I will try not to ask why and sort out a path towards wise in my life.

I agree that the why's often will never be answered at least one that would ever be satisfactory ... I think doing what we often do here is where wisdom comes into it
I have been very interested in abnormal psychology for long time and I suppose for me that's as close to the why's as I'll ever get.... xo

You give great food for thought Arfie. I'm going to munch over this one. xxx